


What The Water Gave Me

by cobalamincosel



Series: The Secret Johnny-Loving Group Chat [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pet Names, Pining, Polyamory, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-21 01:31:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17633525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobalamincosel/pseuds/cobalamincosel
Summary: “You have no idea, do you?" Doyoung starts, looking up at Johnny. "The effect you have on other people.”-When your love is a deluge, it is going to spill over.In which Taeyong, Doyoung, Taeil, Jaehyun, Ten, Kun and Johnny confess their feelings for each other, Johnny learns the origins of the Secret Johnny-Loving Group Chat, and there is a lot of blushing and kissing involved.





	1. Unfold

**Author's Note:**

> I had promised myself that this would be 1) a one-shot, and 2) light.
> 
> This is neither. 
> 
> I struggled so much trying to get this down right, but Klo, Bella, Iz and Jacqui read through my draft and helped me out massively. I owe them my life for the first chapter. Any mistakes are my own at this point. 
> 
> This has now turned into a chaptered thing because getting into the headspace of 7 different people is like, ridiculously difficult to do, especially all in one go. I hope you stick it out with me and these guys.
> 
> -
> 
> Title is from Florence + the Machine's song, "What The Water Gave Me".

Johnny would have had to be as oblivious as a rock to miss the way certain members of his group have been treating him lately. 

Taeyong and Doyoung had spent weeks secretly battling it out in the kitchen and getting him to judge their cooking, which was new in that they had never used to care about one-upping each other’s culinary skills before. Taeil, who has always been affectionate, has been even more so, but the touches are different. They’re smaller, and more frequent. A lingering hand on his lower back while they’re walking to the practice rooms. A brush of fingers two seconds too long for it to constitute ‘friendly’. At practice for The Origin, Taeil had taken two fingers to Johnny’s wrist, holding it there for thirty seconds before Johnny had looked at him questioningly and Taeil had pulled his hand away as if burned. 

Two weeks ago, he had caught Jaehyun staring at him from across the living room, and it made Johnny so self-conscious that he had gone to the bathroom to immediately check if he had nicked himself shaving in the morning or something. 

Also, he’s noticed that Taeyong, Doyoung, Taeil and Jaehyun spend an inordinate amount of time on their phones now, more than before, laughing out at random intervals and glancing at each other and then at him, and it’s really starting to grate on Johnny’s nerves because he knows, he knows it’s because they’re in a group chat that he isn’t part of. 

And lately, he hears from Ten and Kun more often, getting sent updates about their schedules in China, and the occasional photo from some of his non-problematic fan sites (“Johnny, oh my god, have you seen Cardiac Arrest’s latest photo of you?”). It’s not unwelcome, since the last two years have seen them stretched further and further away from each other at least in terms of location, but it is an interesting development that they’ve taken to messaging him more, laughing at his shitty American memes more, just— more. 

So it’s confusing, to say the least. The members he lives with have all been extra attentive to him lately, and it makes his stomach knot up in ways he doesn’t allow himself to explore, but also they’re clearly keeping something from him, and he has no idea how he’s supposed to traverse that fine line between wanting to know and wanting to leave it be. He thinks he sort of has an idea, some thought that gnaws at him when he’s in bed and everything is quiet for a few hours, but it’s an idea he doesn’t want to entertain because it’s presumptuous, and for all of Johnny’s bravado on camera, he knows that he has always had to go the extra mile to not let himself be swallowed up by his insecurities.

Admittedly, Johnny would like as much as possible to not rock the boat or anything, and so he pushes it to the side, does his best not to think about it, and to relish in the attention he’s given instead of questioning what the ulterior motives are. He shakes it off. Keeps shaking it off.

Johnny is thinking about all of this as he’s stretching out in bed, entire body sore from learning the choreography for the Wake Up stage they have planned for their first concert (Johnny has to bite his lip at that, the joy of the knowledge that they get to have a concert to call their own bubbling up to the surface again) when Taeyong quietly opens the door to their room and pads in. Johnny can see the duck-patterned socks he has on from his spot on the bed, as well as the line of exhaustion running down the breadth of Taeyong’s shoulders, across his face. 

“Hi Yongie,” he says, sitting up and placing his bare feet to the carpet. “Why’d you only get in now?”

Taeyong crosses the room in a few short steps, and climbs into Johnny’s bed, no preamble or hello or anything. His pink hair peeks out over the top of Johnny’s comforter, and doesn’t respond. 

“Okay, that works too,” Johnny laughs. 

He gets up to turn the lights off, and blow their cherry bomb candle out before sliding his shirt off and sliding into bed with Taeyong who is almost already fast asleep.

Taeyong’s cold hands reach out for him, and Johnny ignores the thought that it’s been almost a year since Taeyong has shared a bed with him, ignores the blush that creeps up or the way his heart thumps in double time knowing that he gets to hold Taeyong to sleep tonight, and instead takes him into his arms, their breaths coming to synchronicity after a few moments. 

They sleep, and Johnny doesn’t dream. 

___________________

“And a one, two, three and four, five six and seven eight!”

They’re having trouble nailing the choreography for 0 Mile, and it’s not because of ineptitude or that it’s particularly difficult, but from exhaustion and the fact that they’ve had to readjust the blocking for their stages several times since practices for... everything had gone into full swing in December. 

Taeil collapses on the floor, leaning his head against the mirror. Johnny follows suit, sitting next to him. Taeil rests his head on Johnny’s shoulder, closing his eyes and groaning. They’ve been at it for hours— the day’s scheduled practice had started at 10 in the morning, and they’re clocking in hour number 12 in the practice room. 

“I’m not ungrateful,” Taeil says softly. “I mean, we get our own stage and everything. I’m really, really grateful. But God, I just want to sleep.” 

Johnny hums in agreement, his eyes closed, his breathing still trying to regulate itself. That’s when Taeil does it again: takes two fingers to Johnny’s wrist, resting it on the pulse point. 

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight,” Taeil counts in time with Johnny’s heartbeat. It’s such a small thing, an intimate thing. Johnny tries not to put meaning into it. He tries very hard. He keeps his hand on his lap, and Taeil keeps his fingers on the staccato rhythm of Johnny’s beating heart.

He misses the touch when Taeil lets go.

___________________

It’s two days until their concert, and Johnny and Jaehyun are on their way to SBS for the last live radio of NCT Night Night. 

Johnny tells himself he won’t cry. He chants it in his head over and over, chants it as he loads his camera with a new empty memory card. Chants it as he slides the fully charged battery in. Chants it as he turns it on, and faces the lens toward himself and opens with, “Hey guys, hello. Welcome to another episode? Another day? Another thing? With me.”

He and Jaehyun make their way up to the station, Johnny’s voice steady on camera throughout the whole procession from the van to their seats in front of their microphones. Filming the process allows him to kind of dissociate from the entire weight of the loss of something that has been theirs for two years. He takes solace in it, being able to interview some of their writers and the staff that have consistently been there since day one. 

Johnny tries not to lose it when he sees the number of letters overflowing from fans all over the world for their last live broadcast, and he manages well enough, until Doyoung arrives behind the glass. His tenuous grip on his emotions starts to slack even further when Doyoung brings out his cake and reads out the messages that their members had prepared for them. 

And then it’s over for him as the tears start to spill out on camera, and Johnny is mildly mortified, because the last time he had allowed himself to cry in front of a camera was when he was still a rookie, and this is a live broadcast for goodness’ sake. 

Under the table, Jaehyun takes Johnny’s hand, hidden from the multiple cameras they have set up around the room. It’s clammy, and he’s shaking as much as Johnny is, but it helps ground Johnny in the most unexpected way, mainly because Jaehyun has never actually ever taken Johnny’s hand, not like this. Jaehyun’s fingers interlace themselves with Johnny’s own, and suddenly Johnny feels more stable. He squeezes Jaehyun’s hand tightly, and there is a questioning grip back, to which Johnny replies with a stroke of his thumb over Jaehyun’s knuckles. Jaehyun squeezes once more, gently, before letting go. 

The tears inevitably come for them both, and as Johnny pouts into the camera and says, “you guys know I don’t usually cry,” Jaehyun decides to throw him under the bus and goes “yeah...” like he doesn’t believe Johnny. He laughs it off. This is one of the most painful things Johnny has had to do, but Jaehyun is there with him. This is something they grew together, and Johnny is more grateful for him than words can express. 

Later in the van, Johnny signs off and says his last thank you on camera. The battery is on its last 20%. 

It’s when they near a McDonald’s for a late snack that Johnny hears Jaehyun’s sniffling, and he decides to kindly ask their driver to pull over so he can move to the back seat. 

After they place their orders, Johnny reaches over and takes Jaehyun’s hand, which startles Jaehyun for about a second, before he eases into it. 

“There’s no one else I would have gone through the entirety of Enana with besides you, Jaehyunnie.”

Jaehyun pulls his right earbud out. The music pauses shortly after Johnny hears ‘Once Again’ playing in tinny notes. 

“What did you say?” 

“I said, there’s no one else I would have gone through the entirety of Enana with besides you,” Johnny says. He’s still holding Jaehyun’s hand. Jaehyun hasn’t let go. “I mean, we know it’s probably temporary, but for the time being, the last two years have been a blast. I’ve always enjoyed doing radio with you. Since day one.”

It’s too dark for Johnny to see Jaehyun blushing, and Jaehyun is grateful for it. Nights spent with Johnny doing Enana are how Jaehyun fell in love with him in the first place. When he said that he hadn’t felt like a breakup in a long time, he meant it. But then Johnny doesn’t know that. 

“Johnny-hyung,” Jaehyun says, his voice hoarse from all the crying he’s been trying to suppress. “You know I feel the same way.”

The only time their hands part is when the driver pulls up to their dorm. 

___________________

Johnny checks his phone when he gets home to see a stream of messages from Ten and Kun on iMessage, his eyes scanning over text in both Korean and English that is punctuated by crying emojis.

 **HaKunaMatata** : Johnny, we all watched the last broadcast ☹️  
**Tensational** : I am so sad Johnny-hyung I hate seeing you cry!!! 😭😭😭  
**Tensational** : You and Jaehyun did so well, we are so proud of you  
**HaKunaMatata** : Fighting! You both worked so hard!  
**Tensational** : Did you check Twitter yet??? The Czennies are going crazy  
**HaKunaMatata** : [image attached]

Johnny laughs at the screencap of the broadcast where Johnny is turned away from the camera with his face in his hands. Kun follows his message with a screen recording of some of the replies under @nctnightnight’s latest post. There’s an onslaught of replies, and Johnny’s heart clenches in his chest. Taeyong and Jungwoo are seated with Jaehyun at the dining table, all talking about how the broadcast went from behind the scenes. As much as Johnny would like to stay, he realizes that he really needs a breath of fresh air, and tells them he’s heading to the rooftop for a while. They nod in acknowledgement and he makes his way up.

The weather hasn’t let up yet, so he’s glad he brought his massive jacket with him as the wind hits him square in the face.

There’s a figure leaning on the railing, the person’s back turned to him, so Johnny calls out, and Doyoung turns to face him. It appears he’s been here a while, if the pink on his face is anything to go by.

“Doyoungie, what are you doing up here?” Johnny walks over to him, three long strides from the door to where Doyoung is stood, peering over the edge and looking toward the city lights.

“Just thinking,” Doyoung replies. He glances up at Johnny, a small, teary smile. “I came here after I left the station. I just… I know it was yours and Jaehyun’s but—“

“It was just as much yours too, Doyoung.” Johnny puts his arm around Doyoung’s shoulder, his shivering from the cold easily felt despite the layers Doyoung has on. “Dodigest and Enana, all of it. It was ours.”

There’s some silence after that, before Doyoung nudges him with his shoulder.

“Do you ever make a tally of the cost we‘ve had to keep paying to be where we are right now?”

Johnny looks at Doyoung, really looks at him, arm still securely fastened around Doyoung’s shoulders.

“Do you mean the hours we put into practice? The money we spend on our clothes and nice things? The years of training and the years of waiting for us to make it big? The miles between us and home?”

Doyoung sighs, pressing in closer to Johnny. “All of the above, I guess. There’s always this give and take, but I always feel like whatever we give gets taken away from us. It never feels fair.”

Johnny swallows at this, holding on to the fact that he is getting a piano solo for the concert. It’s enough. It’s more than he expected. It’s more than he’d asked for. So it’s enough. He tries not to think about things in terms of fairness, he tries not to put everything on balancing scales, because if Johnny does that, he feels like the despair will overpower everything.

“It’s been… a lot of giving and a lot of having things taken away, I know that,” Johnny starts slowly. “But this is everything we’ve wanted, Doyoungie. Our first concert, can you believe it?” Johnny pushes down the sadness of their losses, of the things they’ve had to give up, and thinks about how he had imagined this from day one.

“You are the most resilient person I know, did you know that?” Doyoung’s voice is so, so soft that Johnny almost misses it as it’s carried off by the wind. This brings a smile to his face, until he’s taken aback by cold lips pressing into the corner of his mouth.

Johnny freezes, and Doyoung’s eyes form saucers before he pulls away abruptly. The spot where Doyoung’s lips had touched his skin is searing.

“I—I—uh,” Doyoung stutters out, and makes a run for it back to the door leading back down to their floors.

“Doyoung, wait—“

He manages to grab Doyoung by the wrist, and Doyoung is shaking, shaking, looking at everything, everywhere else but at Johnny.

Johnny holds him close, trying to calm Doyoung who is quaking like a lost animal. Doyoung has his eyes wrenched shut now, terrified that this is a line that he has never meant to cross. 

“I don’t—I’m sorry, I’m so so—“

Johnny presses himself closer, his chin resting just on the side of Doyoung’s head.

“Are you ready to explain to me just what happened? If you aren’t, it’s okay. It can wait.”

Doyoung shakes his head, his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry, can we please pretend like nothing happened? Like just for now at least?”

There is a mixture of hurt and confusion that lances through Johnny like a dagger, but he lets his arms fall limply to his sides, and says, “Okay Doyoungie. We can do that.”

Doyoung steps back, his eyes shining, something pleading behind them, before he turns and runs to the door.

Johnny doesn’t follow him.

___________________

 

The first thing Johnny notices upon waking is that Taeyong isn’t in the room with him. 

The second is that there are hushed voices outside the door to their room. 

There’s a shuffling of feet before he hears a soft knock and Doyoung is entering, the door clicking closed softly behind him.

Johnny sits up lightning fast, head spinning from getting up too quickly. 

“Doyoungie, hi,” he says, breathless. 

Doyoung gives him a small smile, glued to the spot right in front of the door like he’s ready to bolt at any moment. The concert is the next day, and they leave for the arena later in the afternoon where rehearsals will take place again, and they’ll spend the night there to prevent their vans being mobbed by the fans on opening day. 

They have about three hours of peace before they leave, Johnny thinks. 

They have three hours to try to sort things out. 

Johnny stands up to embrace him, and Doyoung sags like a rag doll in his arms until there are hands clutching the back of his shirt, and Doyoung’s hair is tickling Johnny’s nose as Doyoung buries his face in Johnny’s neck. 

“Are you ready to talk?” Johnny asks, not unkindly, his hands in Doyoung’s hair, stroking down his back. 

“Johnny-hyung,” Doyoung starts, voice muffled by Johnny’s shirt. 

Doyoung had had to talk to Taeyong earlier about this slip up. It’s all a mess, they know, but at the very least, for now, it’s the three of them trying to grapple with this. The rest of the group will decide when they want to start opening up, if they ever will. 

“About last night.” 

Johnny is all patience, and he’s solid and still in Doyoung’s arms. 

“It’s been a long time coming, I think. Taeyong-hyung told me to talk to you, and I didn’t want to but after the rooftop and, well, after he spent the last few hours trying to calm me down, it seems like I need to start coming clean, for both our sakes.” 

“Doyoungie, you don’t have to talk if you—“

“No, no, I do, I’m so tired of not talking about it,” Doyoung says, steeling himself and taking a step back, his fists at his side. 

“You have no idea, do you? The effect you have on other people.” 

Doyoung realises this comes out somewhat angry, but he’s a mess of emotions right now, and he can’t parse what it is exactly that he is feeling right now to begin with. 

“Johnny-hyung, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I have feelings for you,” Doyoung declares, his chin up in the air, and Johnny can’t hide the smile that begins to pull at the corner of his lips at how pink Doyoung’s cheeks have gotten. “You go around flirting with everyone and being charming and nice, and it’s honestly really frustrating. I know that it doesn’t mean anything, but when you do that to me, or when you do something really stupid—“ 

Doyoung presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, groaning in frustration. He takes a deep breath and dives in. 

“When you do something really stupid, I get the worst second-hand embarrassment for you, and then all I can think of after that is how endearing you are to me. I told myself that it wasn’t anything more than just affection, but it’s everything else apart from all that. You really take care of us. Of me. After months of imagining taking you out on dates and doing anything I can to make you laugh and wanting so much to just make sure you’re happy, I think I’m pretty sure I can tell what being in love with you feels like.”

Johnny is overwhelmed, because in a span of a few days, he’s shared a bed with Taeyong, held hands with Jaehyun, had that moment at practice with Taeil, and now this. He’s starting to think his life is an gameshow, or a re-enactment of a Korean drama. However, nothing about the way Doyoung or anyone has been acting lately, or anything about the way they’ve spoken to him seems to give any indication that he’s being elaborately pranked. 

“Doyoungie, when you said you talked to Taeyong, what did you mean exactly?” Johnny needs to unravel this web, to make sense of what bits of truth Doyoung is giving him. 

“Oh Johnny,” Doyoung says, and there it is again, that glint of desperation in his eyes. “I told Taeyong-hyung that I tried to kiss you last night. He’s known for a while how I feel about you. Given everything, he told me it would be best for me not to stretch it out. This is-- this is the most terrifying thing I have ever done. But it’s you. So.”

Johnny swallows. He needs to choose his words carefully. There are a million and one things he wants to say, but right now he is seeing everything in a new light, and he has to recalibrate what he thinks he knows to fit what Doyoung is telling him. 

The truth of the matter is that he’s always known that he’s held affection for Doyoung, but he’s also held so much of it for so many of them, and it’s never been something Johnny has allowed himself to even consider, because who does that? Given that everyone develops crushes on everyone, and Johnny’s known he wasn’t straight since he was 15 and thought he was in love with Oh Sehun, how can he be sure that this is the same kind of love Doyoung is talking about?

“Doyoungie, first off, I need you to know, I really, really need you to know that I love you. I know you know that but I want to remind you of this fact.”

Doyoung prepares himself for the let down. This hurts more than he thought it would. He stares at the carpet in front of him. He can’t look at Johnny for this.

“I... I don’t know if what I feel for you constitutes being in love with you. But,” and at this, Doyoung’s head snaps up. “I know that I would drop everything in a second for you. I know that if you asked me to move heaven and earth for you, I’d find a way to make it happen. I know that for a while now, I’ve had to fight the urge to kiss you.”

Doyoung doesn’t break. He tells himself to hold steady. His heart in his throat. Hope bubbles up inside of him and he feels buoyant, but he knows he has to temper that feeling. The higher he rises, the harder the impact of the fall.

Johnny is the one who looks down, lets out a small pained noise. 

“But it isn’t fair to you, because as much as I feel that way about you, I can’t deny that I... feel that way about a few of the others, too.”

The hope in Doyoung rises still. Johnny has no idea what Doyoung is thinking, but it is curious that Doyoung straightens his back, stands up higher, and gives Johnny a slow, radiant smile. 

“That’s okay,” Doyoung replies. He still won’t speak for the rest, but for once since this entire conversation began, it feels like somehow, the mess they’ve landed themselves in will pan out.

“What do you mean, that’s okay?” 

Johnny is completely lost at sea here. 

Doyoung clenches his hands again, willing them to stop shaking.

“It’s okay, if you feel that way about other people. Just as long as you also feel that way about me, too.”

Johnny isn’t quite sure what Doyoung is saying, because it sounds like— it sounds like, well. 

“I— I don’t mind sharing you. That sounds,” Doyoung breaks off. “I know that sounds weird but... look, Johnny, you’re a lot to love, and you’ve got so much of it. I won’t get jealous of whoever else you feel that way for. I’d just be happy to be with you.”

Doyoung takes a step closer to Johnny. 

“I’ve loved you from afar this whole time. I’d be happy just to get to love you a little closer, even once in a while.” 

It’s a loaded statement, and Johnny knows he’s still missing parts here, knows that there are other conversations with the others, confessions he has to make. There is a flame in his chest blossoming up, his mind trying to fit the pieces together. 

Johnny’s gut tells him that there are things Doyoung isn’t telling him, and there are things Johnny isn’t saying, either, but right now, he has Doyoung’s truth, and that’s what he holds on to like a buoy. 

Johnny takes Doyoung into his arms, and breathes in his scent. 

“For now, this is what I can give you,” Johnny says softly, pressing a kiss into Doyoung’s temple. “Is that enough?” 

Doyoung has his arms thrown around Johnny’s waist, holding onto him impossibly closer, Johnny’s warmth coming off in waves. 

“More than,” Doyoung whispers.

Johnny presses another kiss this time to Doyoung’s forehead. Doyoung slumps in his arms, and huffs out a small laugh. 

“Are we okay?”

“More than,” Johnny replies. 

Johnny feels like there are threads he needs to latch on to, but for now there is this, and for now, that will do.


	2. Deluge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret is out: everyone is in love with Johnny.
> 
> Now it’s time for them to find out that Johnny feels the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the second chapter out of three for this last (maybe?) instalment of The Secret Johnny-Loving Group Chat.
> 
> I would like to preface this with: I have never been in a poly relationship, and I am admittedly still trying to figure out how to write it well without being disrespectful of how poly relationships are usually conducted.
> 
> I hope though that despite knowing this about me, it still translates that I really just want all of them to communicate, and to be honest with each other.
> 
> This chapter is for Klo, the LOML, the one who told me it didn’t feel like a screenplay which I was most worried about; and for Iz, who beta read this for me when I was just really kind of giving up.
> 
> This chapter also goes out to ao3 user lunalius who read it the moment it went up and helped me proof it; and to Ali, whose style is sublime and who took the time to give me constructive criticism when I needed it the most.  
> And as always, for Johnny Seo, the North Star of this entire story.

Nothing in his 23 years of life could have prepared Johnny for the exhilaration of Neo City: Seoul. The entire group is alive with energy, the fan chants echoing through the walls of the arena, their light sticks an entire ocean of green. Johnny peeks through the curtains by the side of the stage, watching all of it before the show begins in 15 minutes.

“Are you nervous, Johnny-hyung?” Jungwoo asks, clutching Johnny’s sleeve by his elbow. Johnny turns to him, and seeing Jungwoo’s earnest expression makes him think about his own debut stage, years ago when ‘Limitless’ was released. Johnny knows that despite he and Jungwoo coming from different starts in SM, nothing changes the fact that everything they’ve worked hard for, regardless of the time, will finally be distilled into two hours of them having a stage completely for themselves, not as a guest performance, but as the main act. Johnny has never held it against Jungwoo, the short time between his training and his debut. He could have, but any trace of envy he has ever felt for any other member has been viciously tamped down. There’s no space for that here, he tells himself. He’s better for it.

“A bit, but I’m more excited than anything,” Johnny replies. The stage managers are calling them to their positions, and the show goes on.

Johnny moves and sings and plays like he’s performing outside of his body. The last ten years for a world tour. His limbs move of their own accord, his hands on the keyboard, his fingers gripping the poles, his feet bounding over stairs to get to the fans in the higher wings. This is joy he has never experienced before, and it’s a joy that carries him and floats him into the next day, with his mother beaming up at them from her seat.

Doyoung’s hand is in his when they step onto the platform that lowers them back offstage as the audience, their fans, their seasonies sing ‘Touch’ in harmony, and suddenly it’s too much for everyone. There are tears in everyone’s eyes, and they huddle off the platform, arm in arm, heaving sobs of relief and joy. They’re thanking Taeyong the most for being their rock, for being their leader, and they envelop him in an embrace as Taeyong bawls his eyes out, blubbering “Thank you, thank you, you’re the best members, you’re family, I love you all so much” in between his inhales.

-

They settle back in the dorms after dinner, collapsing in the living room, sprawled all over the couches, the adrenaline finally crashing down inside of and around them. Mark heads to the kitchen first to bring out a bottle of orange juice, his phone in hand, scrolling through the official hashtags the fans used for their concert.

The fan cams have been uploaded, and he says as much to the rest, heading back over to the rest of the group. His anxiety starts to spike, worrying about his performance. Johnny gathers as much, and puts his arm around Mark and ruffles his hair.

“You were amazing out there, don’t stress,” Johnny says, slipping into English. “Mad City was fire.”

It’s the song Johnny had watched Mark agonize over during practices, his voice having strained and cracked under the pressure of it the week prior. Mark scrunches his nose up at Johnny, and lets out a breath.

“I’m really glad Haechannie was with us,” Mark says, beaming up at him. He shows Johnny a fancam of Donghyuck’s performance with them, and they scroll through the posts and reactions for a while.

The rest of the team starts to drift off slowly to their rooms, ready to sleep and looking forward to the rest day they get before they have to prepare to fly out for Osaka, until only Johnny and Doyoung remain in the living room.

Doyoung’s got his eyes closed, half of his body sprawled over the soft arm rest of their couch, and Johnny moves to wake him up when the younger looks up at him, and Doyoung reaches his arms out.

Johnny smiles at this invitation to cuddle him. It’s the first contact they’ve had since… _that_ morning, and it makes Johnny’s insides twist in a good way. He has no idea what it is that they are, but as he slides into Doyoung’s space, as he fits himself in between Doyoung’s legs and open arms to settle his ear on Doyoung’s chest, he hopes that whatever it is, it’s something that lets him do this more often.

“That was incredible,” Doyoung says, playing with Johnny’s fringe. “All of it was incredible.”

“An entire sea of green just for us,” Johnny responds. He props himself up on his elbow to look down at Doyoung, whose eyes still have the faintest traces of eyeliner, the faintest traces of red from his crying earlier. He’s gorgeous, and Johnny just wants to do something, anything, now that he can, even if they’re still testing the boundaries of what this nameless thing is.

“Can I kiss your cheek?”

Doyoung’s smile is incandescent.

“Yes, yes, if you must,” Doyoung laughs, rolling his eyes as if the request is an affront.

Johnny does just that, pressing his lips to Doyoung’s cheek. He does it again and again and again until Doyoung is giggling and pushing him away.

“Stop, stop, you’re gonna spoil me and then I’m not gonna want to let you go,” Doyoung says, and the subsequent blush that rises to his face after saying that has him hiding his face in his hand again.

“What if I wanna spoil you?” Johnny replies, trying to get Doyoung to show his face by going in to tickle him at his sides.

“You’re gonna have to spoil the rest too then,” Doyoung says in between peals of laughter, until Johnny freezes, and so does Doyoung.

“The rest?” Johnny pulls back, trying to search Doyoung’s face.

“Huh? I didn’t—“

“Kim Dongyoung.”

Johnny sees the panic cross Doyoung’s face.

“I—I meant the others that you like,” Doyoung flounders. It’s not convincing in the least.

Johnny picks up that Doyoung doesn’t want him to press on any further, so when Doyoung says, “Who do you actually like, anyway? Apart from me, obviously,” Johnny rolls with it. He’s going to take his cues from the people around him for now, he figures, since there is so, so much at stake, and he doesn’t want to screw up the entire group’s dynamic just because he can’t seem to get a handle on how he feels about several of his members.

“I… it’s embarrassing how many of you guys I have a crush on,” Johnny huffs out, resting his head back on Doyoung’s chest.

“It’s embarrassing how many people have a crush on you,” Doyoung responds, and it’s all he’s going to give away. Johnny doesn’t push on, but he files that away to mull over later in bed.

“Fine. But, won’t it… bother you?” Johnny says. He wants this, and he wants them, but that’s not how relationships work in the real world. You can’t have your cake, and eat it, and then eat even more cake and think that things are peachy. Like, cakes have feelings and get jealous and—

“Johnny, stop overthinking it, just tell me,” Doyoung whispers, forcing Johnny to look up at him by pulling Johnny’s chin up gently. He’s smiling at Johnny, which Johnny figures is as good a sign as any to continue. There’s, after all, no one else he can talk to about this. “I’m okay. I’m not jealous, I promise.”

“Okay, so, apart from you, I… I guess I have feelings for Taeyong. He’s the first one actually, I’ve liked him since he joined the company. But it was always just sort of admiration. Things changed after we became roommates though,” and Johnny has to pause. He’s anxious over this confession, the confessions he’s about to make, because they seem so small, and so mundane, and also, he’s worried that Doyoung will think he’s needy or a player or something. “I got to know him better. And, well, we used to sleep in the same bed once in a while. Nothing like, sexual or anything. He just liked to be held, and I really like holding him.”

Doyoung hums in acknowledgement, stroking his fingers through Johnny’s hair. He could see Johnny liking Taeyong a mile away, and it’s almost a relief to hear it said out loud.

“Then there’s… Tennie.”

Johnny’s listening to Doyoung’s heart, and it hasn’t picked up the pace once. His breathing is even, almost like nothing he’s saying is shocking to Doyoung in any way.

“Tennie’s something else entirely, like, I feel like no matter what I do, I’ll never actually get a handle on who he is in his totality. I watched him dance when he didn’t even know a single phrase of Korean, and I knew exactly what he wanted to say,” Johnny says. He’s fiddling with the hem of Doyoung’s shirt, the fingers in Johnny’s hair not stalling at all.

“And god, when the Baby Don’t Stop MV came out,” Johnny groans out. “Seeing both Taeyong and Tennie together, fuck, I had to uh, well—“

“Had to what?” Doyoung says, and there’s teasing in his voice.The silence stretches on for much too long. “Oh my god you are a bad, bad man, Seo Johnny.” Doyoung is laughing at him, honest to god laughing at him. “You mean to tell me that you got hard watching the Baby Don’t Stop MV?”

“They were shirtless! Have you seen them dance? Do you own eyes?” Johnny cries out in his defence. “It was… a really good MV, okay.”

Doyoung is still gasping for air, going on about how Johnny jacked off to one of their MVs, and Johnny’s ears are burning at the tips so brightly that he can’t even deny that he had actually gotten off to it.

“I’m not gonna talk to you anymore if you’re gonna be like this,” Johnny pouts, covering his face with his massive hands.

“No, no, no, I’m sorry, come here please, I’m sorry,” Doyoung says, his laughter coming to a slow stop, pulling Johnny up gently and pressing a kiss to Johnny’s pink, pink cheek. “Please, continue.”

“Okay, fine, so Jaehyun,” Johnny resumes. “He’s just so nice to be around. You know, he held my hand on the last live broadcast.”

Doyoung bites his tongue, because he does, in fact, know that. Jaehyun had freaked out in the group chat for a solid thirty minutes before Doyoung had made his own move on the rooftop.

“Do you like holding his hand?”

“I’d like very much to hold his hand, and yours, and Taeil’s— God, Doyoung, what am I doing? And why do you wanna know? Maybe I’m just a horny, selfish bastard and you shouldn’t be wasting your time on me.”

“Johnny-hyung, I don’t think the usual rules apply to us,” Doyoung says, tapping Johnny gently between his eyebrows. “We’ve spent our lives together, pretty much. I don’t think we have room for things like jealousy, or anything. Also there’s the entire thing about us having to keep things low-key anyway. Apart from the fan service and your JCCs. I just think it’s okay, to want to be with each other. I don’t think we need to overthink it. And I uh, I don’t think it’s wrong to want to be with more than one person.”

“How can you be so casual about this?”

“Do you actually want to choose just one person?”

“I…” Johnny is caught. He doesn’t want to choose. He wants Taeil to count his heartbeats. He wants to hold Jaehyun’s hand. He wants to cuddle in bed with Taeyong. He wants to kiss Doyoung. He wants to have Ten’s lips on his neck. He wants Kun’s hands on his waist.

“What if I told you that it’s not just me who likes you?” Doyoung whispers.

Johnny doesn’t get a chance to respond, because Taeyong is making his way down the stairs to the living room, and Johnny pushes himself up off of Doyoung. Taeyong doesn’t even flinch, doesn’t question the fact that he’s still halfway tucked quite snugly between Doyoung’s legs. Curious.

“Doie, are you gonna be sleeping there?” Taeyong asks as he pulls a mug from the cupboard.

Doyoung rises gracefully, and he squeezes Johnny’s arm briefly as if to say goodbye, before stretching up fully and responding with, “No, no, I’m heading up now. Good night, Johnny-hyung, Taeyong-hyung.”

Doyoung looks Johnny in the eye, a small, searching smile on his lips, before climbing the stairs to their rooms.

Taeyong looks up at Johnny, mug halfway to his mouth.

“Something bothering you?” Taeyong asks softly.

“No, no, just trying to work out a puzzle with missing pieces,” Johnny responds. Taeyong moves in closer, nudging his forehead on Johnny’s bicep once.

“Wanna share with the audience?”

“I’ll let you know when I’ve found more of the pieces.”

Taeyong huffs, rolls his eyes, and saunters away.

“So cryptic. Come to bed.”

Johnny is starting to get the feeling that what Doyoung implied earlier is much more hidden in plain sight than he realises, but for now, he makes his way to the room he shares with Taeyong, and wonders if tonight is another night he gets to spend with Taeyong in his arms. Wonders if it means as much to Taeyong as it does to Johnny.

-

Johnny settles into the seat, spreading the blanket out over his legs that can barely be contained in the cabin. Taeil is his seatmate for the duration of the flight and it makes Johnny flush, knowing that Doyoung has an idea that Johnny likes him. He can’t shake the concern that his interacting with the others will hurt Doyoung somehow, but he also knows that at this point, it’s on him to actually say something to someone else apart from Doyoung, if only to finally clear the air and get it out in the open.

Taeil catches Johnny’s attention, asking him about the movie selection and if there’s anything that’s worth watching. Johnny nudges him and says, “You’re going to fall asleep halfway through, and it’s only like two hours to Osaka, hyung, so it doesn’t really matter, hyung.” True enough, Taeil is asleep 10 minutes after takeoff, head drooping to the side with his mouth open.

Johnny snaps a photo of it on his phone, just for him. _Cute_ , he thinks to himself. _So cute._

Johnny needs a plan somehow. He lays the facts out for himself.

Fact number 1: Johnny now knows that Doyoung likes him, and Doyoung knows that Johnny reciprocates.

Fact number 2: Doyoung is aware that Johnny also has feelings for some of the other members, and has explicitly said that he doesn’t mind sharing Johnny, which implies that if Johnny were to tell the others, and they reciprocated his feelings, then Doyoung would be okay with that? What kind of set-up would that entail? Does Johnny get to go on a date with Taeil and then watch a movie on the couch with Jaehyun and then go to sleep with Taeyong? It seems messy. It seems ridiculous. It seems way too good to be true. And even if Doyoung may be okay with it, who’s to say that everyone else would be?

See, Johnny always thought that he would have the whole thing, a wife and 2.5 kids and a house and a yard by this time. Even when he had just joined SM, even when he trained for days and days, the idea of a whirlwind romance, of a big, comfortable love with someone still seemed within reach.

Until Oh Sehun. Until he realized that even if he still found himself attracted to women, and didn’t discount the very real prospect of still having a wife someday, the way Oh Sehun made him feel, and subsequently, the way Lee Taeyong, and Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, and Kim Dongyoung, and Qian Kun, and Jung Jaehyun, and Moon Taeil made him feel, made him begin to question what he thought he knew about sexuality and love and all the rules that relationships entailed.

Johnny pulls up the memory of the only time he has ever allowed himself to really face his impending bisexuality, leaning against a blue wall with fake clouds painted on it, watching Oh Sehun twist and move. His best friend, the person he was going to debut with.

“Do you--” Johnny had asked, palms sweaty on his black shorts. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

Sehun had stopped dancing to look at Johnny through the mirror. He had turned around to face Johnny, his head tilted to the side and his eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, I kissed a girl in my class. Why?”

“Have you ever kissed a boy? Or thought you could, I dunno, maybe fall in love with a boy too?”

Johnny isn’t looking at Sehun. He’s staring at his bruised knees, at his scuffed sneakers.

“I don’t know if you’re offering, but yeah, I’ve kissed a boy too. And yeah, I think I could fall in love with a boy too. Why are you asking?”

Johnny could never wrap his head around how straightforward Sehun was when he was talking to Johnny.

“I’m just curious.”

“About me? Or about yourself?”

“Maybe both?”

Sehun had smiled at him then, gripped Johnny on his shoulder and said, “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. Even if everything else makes you feel like you shouldn’t.”

Johnny falls asleep, and dreams of a dam. He dreams of torrential rain that moves in through the cracks of the pavement. He dreams of a river that grows into an ocean through the streets of Canal and Franklin and Chicago Avenue, like those scenes from The Day After Tomorrow. He wakes up to a Death Cab for Cutie song he hasn’t heard in years.

That’s when he decides, as the plane touches the tarmac and slows to a stop, as they walk through the gates and into the small sea of a crowd with their cameras and phones out, as he takes up the rear of the group entering the waiting vans and settles into the front seat, that he’s going to say something. He needs to, to clear the air, to get it out in the open. Johnny figures that the objects of his affection won’t resent him for being honest about his feelings. They’ll work out the details later.

-

Johnny’s phone goes off as he’s seated in the makeup chair, and he decides against using his AirPods when he sees that Ten is trying to Facetime him.

“Hello, Tennie—“

“What the fuck.”

Johnny is taken aback, Ten’s voice cracking over the speakerphone setting. Jungwoo and Mark whoop in the background, calling out their greetings to Ten.

“Excuse me?”

“Johnny-hyung, oh my god, are you in a man bun?”

Kun screeches in the background and suddenly he’s on camera with Ten.

“OH MY GOD.” Kun is screaming. Why is Kun screaming? Johnny panics, worrying that asking the makeup noona for this hairstyle was a bad idea. His stylist actually pauses applying the highlighter on his cheek, just as confused as Johnny is.

“Wait, show me a different angle,” Ten demands, and Johnny switches to the back camera, showing off the sides in his reflection.

“Oh my god fuck me,” Ten says in English, voice in awe.

Johnny’s blush is furious as he switches back to the front camera and he laughs out loud, covering his face. “Tennie!”

“No, I’m serious, please fuck me,” Ten says, deadpan, looking straight into the camera, as if he’s in front of Johnny.

Kun is in the background pacing back and forth, typing furiously on his phone, and Johnny is about to respond before the door to the dressing room bursts open and Jaehyun is standing there, his chest heaving.

Taeyong, Doyoung and Taeil run into the room and stop dead in their tracks, staring at Johnny like he’s grown a new head.

It is so, so terrifyingly quiet for a solid 10 seconds. A camera clicks, and Yuta is laughing at his screen before the sound of a message being sent pings in the silence.

“What is going on?” Johnny says, voice a little shrill.

Taeil has his hand pressed to his heart, looking faint.

“Oh my god it’s real,” he says.

“I told you!!!” Kun says back on camera.

“Wait what—“

“That hairstyle is deadly on you, Johnny-hyung,” Mark says, smirking. “The czennies are gonna go insane. Just look at our members.”

Later, Johnny finds out that their fans did in fact freak out over his tiny ponytail. It fills him with some warmth, and he’s giddy from the moment they step off stage.

The rush comes down when they arrive at the hotel, and he ends up spending time in Doyoung and Mark’s room. He’s sitting on the edge of Doyoung’s bed and he watches as Doyoung finishes up putting on his moisturiser before catching Doyoung’s waist and waiting for Doyoung to... do something. Anything that isn’t him blatantly ignoring Johnny.

“Doie, did I do something wrong?” Johnny hates how small his voice is when it comes out. “I know we’re still figuring this out but please tell me what’s on your mind.”

Doyoung has been on edge all night around him and it’s jarring, especially since they’ve been so much more languid in each other’s presence since that morning. Right now he’s acting like Johnny has measles or something, and even if Johnny know he’s has absolutely no right to, the hurt is still there.

“Johnny, look, I know we don’t know what we’re doing right now,” Doyoung says, frustration coming off him in waves. “But my self-control is really, really like on its last end here and I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back. If you try to touch me, I won’t be able to not kiss you so please don’t touch me right now if I’m not allowed to kiss you. Do you honestly not realise how hot you actually are?”

Johnny is taken aback from this tirade, and he knows, he knows that it’s fucked up, that he wants so badly to kiss Doyoung when other days he just wants to choose candles with Taeyong, or go to the museum with Jaehyun, or listen to Taeil sing while Johnny plays the piano, or go to the zoo with Kun, or watch Ten dance for him. Other days, he wants to kiss all of them. Other days, he lets himself imagine kissing them. Imagine going further.

Some days, he thinks about them all together, and that’s what leaves him breathless.

“Why shouldn’t I kiss you right now?”

Johnny’s voice is low, so low, and it makes a jolt of want spike inside of him. But Doyoung has no answer except for the one that waits on his tongue. “I don’t want to kiss you if the others can’t,” Doyoung thinks to himself. He knows that Johnny feels the same way for the rest, and Doyoung’s bursting at the seams, knowing that he’s the only one who knows.

“I—“ Doyoung wants this. He wants it so, so much. But to date, he’s the only one who has actually spoken up and said something, and even if there was never any rule established among the six of them, he can’t help but think that he owes it to everyone to hold off until they’ve had a chance to talk to Johnny.

He’s spared from answering because Mark walks into the room, groaning and landing face-first onto his bed. Johnny exhales, and cups Doyoung’s cheek in his hand before leaving. Doyoung closes his eyes to savour it, touch-starved and filled with longing.

-

Doyoung pulls up the group chat on his phone while he locks himself in the bathroom. Taeil and Jaehyun are roommates, and he calls for a meeting there, promising Kun and Ten that they’ll keep them in the loop.

Doyoung can’t do this anymore, not unless the rest start coming clean, or Johnny starts coming clean. Either one.

In the room next to Mark and Doyoung’s, Taeyong is the last to join the group, clearly having just woken up.

“You keep calling us to meetings like we’re the Council of Elrond,” Taeil says. “What’s going on?”

“The what?” Doyoung says. “Anyway, okay so, you guys know that Johnny knows how I feel about him,” Doyoung starts. “Is there anyone here who has anything to say about that?”

“Well I’m happy for you, Doie,” Taeyong says, and it’s so sincere that it almost breaks Doyoung’s heart.

There’s a murmur of agreement from both Jaehyun and Taeil.

“I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this,” Jaehyun says. “But I feel the same way you do, Doyoung-hyung, about sharing him. If he’ll have me.”

Doyoung bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from telling Jaehyun that Johnny would have him any day. That’s for Johnny and Jaehyun to work out.

“Ten said it himself, didn’t he? There’s no room for jealousy here. I mean, I guess I would be jealous if I have to watch you kiss him, but if I get to kiss him too, then… I’m okay with it. I think it would be fun,” Taeil says. “But then again, I don’t even know if he likes me.”

“Okay so that’s the point of tonight’s meeting, actually,” Doyoung says. “I think we need to tell him how we feel.”

“Dons, do you actually know who he does like?” Jaehyun asks.

He can’t say it. He won’t. Not unless it comes from Johnny himself.

“I’m not gonna say anything,” Doyoung says, raising his voice over Taeil’s “Oh come ON” and Taeyong’s “I just wanna know if I stand a chance.” He continues, his hands out to placate everyone. “I will say that you just need to come out and say it.”

“And then what?” Taeil is looking up at them while lying on his back. His entire view is upside down. Fitting metaphor for what this entire thing feels like, if he’s honest with himself. He knows that Johnny wouldn’t hold it against him. He’s not worried about Johnny avoiding him, because Johnny would never, he’s sure enough of their friendship to know that. But to have to hear from Johnny himself that he doesn’t feel the same way for Taeil, that’s the windfall that Taeil doesn’t want to think about.

“And then we take it from there,” Doyoung says.

-

Taeyong enters their hotel room, his resolve in place. Johnny’s at the foot of his own bed, seated with his legs crossed on the floor, cradling Blue in one arm while he pulls out his toiletries with his other hand. He doesn’t notice that Taeyong’s come back, music blaring from his headphones and almost audible to Taeyong as he walks over and squeezes Johnny’s shoulder to catch his attention. Johnny jolts in surprise, and pulls off the headphones, resting them around his neck.

“That’s the second time Blue came with us to Osaka right?” Taeyong asks, squatting next to Johnny, reaching out to hold the whale plushie.

“Yeah! How did you know?”

“Oh, Kun told me,” Taeyong replies, looking straight into Johnny’s eyes, trying to gauge his reaction.

He makes Johnny blush a bit at the mention of Kun. Taeyong sees it. Thinks, _“aha, got you.”_

They both stand at the sink, Taeyong working his moisturiser into his cheeks, over his nose, while Johnny brushes his teeth, and Taeyong can’t help but think, “I want this for the rest of our lives.”

His voice is hushed when he asks Johnny, very tentatively, “Johnny, can we-- can we sleep together again?”

Johnny flushes at Taeyong’s choice of words, his fingers numbing, his skin flaring with the sudden heat of the thought.

“Of course, Yongie,” he says simply, pulling back the comforter and adding two more pillows to his own bed before sinking into the soft mattress.

Taeyong’s heart is hammering in his chest, so much so that he’s sure that Johnny can hear it. It’s now or never.

“You know, I was really happy when you said you would raise a turtle with me.”

Johnny laughs, says that it’s really gonna smell but that he is ready for when Taeyong starts complaining about it. “I promise I’ll help keep the tank clean,” Johnny says, his eyes crinkling at the sides as he smiles.

“You’re the only one who would have said yes.”

“I don’t think so, I think anyone you’d have asked would say yes, I’m just your roommate.”

They're chest to chest, face to face.

“Let me rephrase that. You’re the only one who would agree to raise it together. Like a tiny family.”

“I like that, like a family.”

“It’s what you do with me now really. Me and Doyoung.”

Johnny remembers that Taeyong knows what’s going on with him and Doyoung, and he pauses momentarily.

Taeyong is so, so close. He is a breath away.

“I hope I’m not stepping out of line here, but I need you to know that it’s not just Doyoung," Taeyong says. His eyes are downcast. Johnny can count the number of eyelashes he has. “It’s me too. Though I think you guessed as much.”

Johnny is soaring, his heart thumping in his chest so hard, his shirt moving visibly under the pressure that's built up there. He swallows, his mouth dry. He takes a shaky inhale.

“I hadn’t, actually. But I hoped.”

Taeyong licks his lips, takes Johnny’s hand, rests it on his hip. Sharp, like he’s lost too much weight. Johnny is calm, pressing his thumb into the skin and bone there.

“You are the most important person to me. I don’t tell you that enough. But it’s the truth. It’s why you’re the only one I really cared about when I graduated. It’s why I invited you to come to my sister’s wedding. It’s why I trust you the most, when things feel like they’re too much for me to handle, even when I don’t have to ask. You’re the only one, Johnny,” Taeyong says. “You’ve always ever been the only one.”

It’s out there, Taeyong thinks, his hand squeezing the hand resting on his hip. No going back after this.

Johnny’s smile is incandescent as he says, “You’ve been crushing on me that long and you never said anything?”

Taeyong slaps his hand away, incredulous that his love confession has been met with this kind of response. “What the hell do you expect me to say to that?”

Johnny places his hand back on Taeyong’s hip, pulling him closer. “I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time, too,” and Taeyong scrunches his nose up because hearing Johnny use the word “crush” makes it feel so juvenile, like they’re in kindergarten, like he doesn’t believe that Taeyong really would risk it all for Johnny.

Johnny presses his cheek into the pillow, his thumb stroking the skin of Taeyong’s hip gently, feather-light.

“Falling for you was easy,” Johnny declares, but then he remembers Doyoung. He remembers the others that he needs to say these same words to. “But Yongie--”

“I know, about Doyoung. I know about all of that, and it’s okay,” Taeyong responds. His hand is on Johnny’s neck, and Johnny knows for sure that even without trying, he can feel the pulse there racing. “I’m not sure how uh, I think it’s called polyamory works, but,” and Taeyong moves closer, impossibly closer, his chest against Johnny’s, their legs slotting in between each other. “I’m gonna work at this if you’re willing to. As long as we all keep communicating with each other, I think we’ll be okay.”

Johnny holds a breath. Lets it out. Repeat.

“I’m willing to,” Johnny’s voice is a whisper against Taeyong’s skin. He strokes his knuckle over Taeyong’s jaw, his neck, his arm. He’s never been more sure. Taeyong is warmth and he is radiant.

“Okay, now that’s out of way, tell me who else you like so that I can gloat about it--”

“Wait what--”

They laugh, talking through the night, suspended in the space that holds just the two of them.

-

The group gets one day off while they’re in Osaka before they have to fly back to South Korea, and they end up visiting Osaka Castle in the morning. The weather is pleasantly cold, and the members who weren’t around for NCT Life here are being brought to some of the places they had filmed at.

Johnny trails behind the group, hoping to catch Taeil alone. Johnny had woken up with Taeyong in his arms (which wasn’t new), and Taeyong had smiled at him, sleepy, precious, and had kissed him softly on his chin, then his nose (which was).

“Who are you going to talk to today?” Taeyong had asked.

Johnny had said, “Taeil,” and Taeyong had stretched out, cat-like and graceful.

“Okay, make it sweet,” Taeyong had replied before heading off into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

Taeil is standing by the railings overlooking the water that surrounds the castle, his phone out, snapping photos. Wind blows through his hair ruffling it, and Johnny manages to capture the moment, before approaching him.

“Hi hyung,” Johnny says, sidling up to Taeil, who turns to him in shock, nearly dropping his phone into the water, before Johnny reaches out and manages to catch it in his palm.

“Johnny! Hi!” Taeil’s voice is pitched high, like he’s panicking. Johnny hands him his phone, and Taeil looks up at him like he’s gonna bolt.

“Can we talk for a bit?” Johnny says.

“Oh, yeah, sure, yeah, that’s— yeah we can do that, what’s up?”

Taeil is leaning on the railing with his elbow, like he’s trying to adopt a casual pose and looking much to stiff for it to be plausible.

“Okay, so, there’s something I’ve been wanting to say for a while now,” Johnny starts, trying to keep the water out of his voice. “I’ve been having a pretty insane last couple of weeks, and it’s admittedly been a little confusing, but also really exciting.”

“I think we all feel that way, Johnny,” Taeil says. “I mean we all wanted this, you know? We waited so long for this.”

“Wait, so you know?” Johnny’s stomach drops trying to make sense of this information.

“Know what?”

“What I’m about to say?”

“Wait, aren’t we talking about the concert?”

Johnny has to work very hard to not slap his hand to his forehead. He laughs, and takes a minute step closer.

“What, no, Taeil-hyung, I’m trying to tell you that I like you.”

Taeil is staring at him. His mouth is hanging open. It makes Johnny think of a Pikachu meme he saw the other day, and it makes him laugh some more, but then Taeil seems to have malfunctioned altogether.

“Hyung, I’m saying I like you, like, romantically,” Johnny tries.

Taeil is still staring up at him, his neck craned up like Johnny is a monument, his eyes flitting around to look at Johnny’s mouth, his earring, his widow’s peak. His mouth has gone numb.

“Taeil-hyung—“

“You like me too?” Taeil says. “I mean, I mean, me? Too? Also?”

Ah, so Taeil knows about the rest as well. Johnny’s hypothesis of there being a group chat now has an introduction, related literature and methodology.

“Yes, I like you too,” Johnny says, and then Taeil is smiling, smiling, his eyes turning into half-moons, before he stands on tiptoes and throws his arms around Johnny’s neck. Johnny’s ready for it, and lifts him up a few inches off the ground.

Jaehyun catches the moment, and nudges Taeyong in the ribs.

“Fucking finally,” Taeyong mutters under his breath, rolling his eyes and laughing before linking his arm with Jaehyun’s and heading off to take a photo of a swan in the water.

 

Johnny sets Taeil back on the ground, but Taeil hasn’t let go, his arms still stretched out, his hands on Johnny’s shoulders.

“Do you wanna know since when?” Taeil has the softest shade of pink dusting his cheeks, suddenly bashful.

Johnny nods, genuinely curious. He’s gonna have to start asking the rest for their stories too, at this point.

“A while, but I knew it was you when I wanted to um, kiss you, when we filmed for ‘Touch’,” Taeil says. “I think… I think you know now that a lot of us want to kiss you.”

It’s such a shy statement, and Johnny can’t help but take Taeil’s wrist and press his thumb to the pulse point there. A subtle thrumming under the pad of his finger, a little quick, surely matching his own.

“You’re gonna have to tell me more about it then,” Johnny responds, as they move to regroup. He doesn’t let go of Taeil’s hand. There’s no need to.

-

Shortly after they arrive back in South Korea, Johnny asks Jaehyun out on a JJ Date, and Jaehyun, beautiful, adorable, says “Oh, for the next JCC?”

Johnny says, “No, no cameras this time. Just us. Just a date, you and me... if that’s okay.”

Jaehyun knows that Johnny knows without Johnny ever saying anything. It’s a hard feat, given how tall they both are, but the managers have given them leeway since getting back, since they’re preparing for another schedule anyway. They go to a small cafe across town, and it’s almost like they’re anonymous, for the most part, with their masks on and caps firmly set on their heads, with no makeup, no earrings, the most basic possible clothing they can find in their closets.

They sneak off to watch a movie together, and it’s simple, taking Jaehyun’s hand. Jaehyun presses a kiss to Johnny’s knuckles. Johnny pull him closer, whispers, “finally”, and kisses Jaehyun’s ear, which tickles. Later they walk home together, hand in hand down some sort of empty street.

“Do you know about the others?” Johnny asks.

“I think I should be asking you that,” Jaehyun teases. “You’re really the hottest person in this group. It’s kind of pathetic how whipped we are for you.”

“Is anyone gonna ever tell me how many there are in your secret group chat?”

Jaehyun nearly high tails it right there.

“How do you know about that?”

“I put it together, don’t worry I haven’t seen anything, god. It’s just you guys are always on your phones and... well I guess I can sort of guess.”

Jaehyun feels like aborting the mission. They’re all in over their heads, but also obviously the standard rules don’t apply to them.

“So who else do you think are in it?”

Johnny hesitates, the fear of being presumptuous coming back, but then Jaehyun nudges him with his shoulder and Johnny says, “well, obviously you, Yongie, Taeil, and Doyoung,” and then takes Jaehyun’s hand again. Johnny’s hand is clammy. Jaehyun’s is warm. He should be nervous but he isn’t. 

“Um…Kun?” Jaehyun doesn’t respond, just smiles, looking at the cars passing them by.

“Is that a guess or is that wishful thinking?”

“A little bit of both?”

“I’m not gonna speak for anyone else Johnny, but I will be reporting this intel back to HQ when we get back.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“You love me.” Jaehyun’s dimples are out. Johnny is defenseless. 

“You’re right. I do.”

Jaehyun’s laugh cuts off because it’s something he’s been waiting to hear out loud and now it’s there. They’re stopped at the alley behind their dorm, devoid of people. It’s late, and it’s quiet save for the cars passing through in the background.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

“Can I kiss you?”

“Do you mind if I kiss and tell the group chat later?”

“Do you think anyone will mind that you’re the first one I kiss?”

“Doyoung maybe, he’s been going crazy.”

“I’ll make it up to him later. But right now,” Johnny says, cupping Jaehyun’s face in his warm hands. “Right now I want to kiss you.”

So he does.

Johnny slides his lips over Jaehyun’s and it’s, quite frankly, heaven. Like, “City of Stars” starts playing in the background, and it’s ridiculous because how is that even possible, that kissing someone can make music come alive in your ears?

Jaehyun pulls away, and he’s breathless, his cheeks are pink. Johnny cannot believe he gets to kiss his dimples now, can’t believe that this is his life.

Someone whistles behind them, and it’s Taeyong with his phone out, and then Jaehyun’s phone chimes.

“Caught you,” Taeyong says, but he’s smiling. Jaehyun comes forward to kiss Taeyong on the cheek, and then checks his phone and laughs. He shows Johnny the photo of them kissing, until a banner notification pops up and it’s a message from “Boyfriend No. 6” that says: “JAEHYUN U SLUT”. 

Johnny laughs, and hands it back to Jaehyun, who realises what Johnny’s seen. He FaceTimes Kun, who answers with a loud “I CANNOT BELIEVE—“

He tells Johnny to say hello to the camera at the same moment, and Johnny leans in, chirping “Hello, Kun” really brightly and Kun drops the phone momentarily.

Ten walks into the room, evidently having no idea what just happened because he hasn't checked his phone. He’s cheery and bright, and goes “Jyaniiiiiiiiiii” into the camera and Johnny waves. That is, until Kun says, “Jaehyun and Johnny kissed”.

Ten screeches “JAEHYUN YOU SLUT” as Jaehyun and Taeyong laugh in the background and make their way back into the foyer.

“So I’m guessing this is the gang?” Johnny asks, and blows a kiss into the camera. “We need to talk later, okay?”

Ten decides to leave the call, going “I love you I love you I love you even if I had this whole big love confession planned for when we get back but anyway I love you” and blowing several kisses back to Johnny on camera.

Ten goes off camera and says, “I’m gonna leave you two lovebirds alone,” so Kun and Johnny can talk.

Kun gets really shy all of a sudden.

Johnny asks, “So, you too, huh?” and Kun rolls his eyes at him because he’s being cheeky again.

“Yeah, asshole, me too. I hate you.” Kun says, but there’s no heat in his voice.

“People keep implying that and not meaning it,” Johnny responds, and he knows how fond he sounds, his voice made even softer as Doyoung makes his way over to Johnny to peck him on the cheek.

“I have no idea what any of us are doing, Kun,” Johnny admits. “But I know I’ve never been happier. I just don’t want any of us fighting over… all of this.”

They end the call with Kun telling him that it won’t happen, and if it does, things will work out still. Kun winks at him before Jaehyun’s phone reverts back to its home screen, and Johnny feels his whole body flush.

He is so whipped for all of them.

This thing, whatever it is, this amalgamation of emotions that he has for six, six different people, and the fact that they somehow still seem to want him around, want him, makes absolutely no sense to Johnny if he frames it in the manner in which most relationships usually are.

But then Johnny thinks about his dream, about the deluge of affection and joy and longing and love that he has for all of them. He thinks about the dam that has overflowed: Jaehyun’s kiss, and Taeyong’s tenderness, and Doyoung’s wit, and Taeil’s sincerity, Ten’s absolute brilliance, and Kun’s refreshing candidness. Johnny holds on to his faith that somehow this thing that may remain nameless, can and will work out for as long as they’re honest, for as long as they love each other.

They’re at sea, but the water is calm.


	3. Overflow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is how it works: they don’t lie to each other. 
> 
> It works because they don’t hold anything back. They don’t sugarcoat. In the spaces between practice and performances and playing nice on camera, this is who they are: at ease with each other, giving into glances and grazed knuckles that had for years gone unfulfilled. 
> 
> _
> 
> Johnny learns the origins of the Secret johnny-Loving Group Chat, makes love to his boyfriends, and comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the longest in this entire series, and it is the final one. 
> 
> A few thoughts before I leave you to it, though. 
> 
> This baby really did just start from a screencap from A Cup of Coffee 2, and it snowballed into this massive, massive thing called the Johnny-Loving GC. 
> 
> This chapter has a lot of smut, so if you came into this for wholesome Johnny loving, you can stop at chapter 2 I guess. 
> 
> Now, about the smut: I couldn't write in a sex scene for every ship, so I hope you don't hold that against me. 
> 
> Lastly, this chapter features questionable "knowledge" about practices involving shooting on location in places like Italy and Rome, so please don't flame me for those. hehe I don't know jack shit about permits and stuff for filming on historical sites. Oops.
> 
> Full dedications will be at the end, but know that this chapter would not exist without: Klo, Iz, Ditto, and Ali.
> 
> This is for Johnny Seo, most of all. I adore you. I only truly hope for good things for you, kitty.

One would think that Johnny and Taeyong’s first time would happen like a scene from a movie, where everything is frantic and romantic and grand, but as it is, they are instead very careful, and when Johnny whispers, “I’m going to make love to you,” in his most exaggerated sultry voice, Taeyong ends up snorting so hard he chokes on his spit. 

There aren’t any rose petals or anything. It’s just Taeyong and Johnny in their room, on Johnny’s top half of their bunk bed (Taeyong hasn’t slept alone on the bottom half since, well, since everything). 

This is the first time for both of them it turns out, and Johnny had spent a solid week trying to do research online, figuring out how to make it good for them both without hurting Taeyong. He had asked once, bashfully, how Taeyong wanted him, and Taeyong had dead-ass stared at him and said, “I want you inside me, Johnny.” Needless to say, they both had done a lot of searches on a private browser. 

Johnny is nervous, his hands shaking from how much he wants this, how much he wants Taeyong, and how worried he is that he’ll hurt the younger man. 

It starts out so slow, nothing else registering except for their mingled breaths, Taeyong writhing under Johnny, the two of them clad in nothing but their boxer briefs. 

Taeyong giggles while Johnny laps at his neck, and Johnny pulls away with a questioning smile, before Taeyong confesses, “I used to touch myself imagining you doing this to me,” and Johnny loves him so much, loves him with his entire being. “Sometimes, if I was sure you were asleep, I’d be touching myself on my bed, trying not to make any noise, knowing that you were just above me, and could catch me anytime.” 

It turns him on, makes Johnny impossibly harder, the image of Taeyong biting on his pillow to keep from crying out while stroking himself to completion. 

“I used to do that in the shower,” Johnny replies as his fingers slowly drag Taeyong’s briefs down. “I’d lean against the wall and imagine you on your knees.” 

Taeyong huffs out a breath, straining to pull in his inhales as Johnny grinds against his hardness. There’s a click from a bottle cap opening and closing, and then Johnny is gently pushing Taeyong’s knee to his chest. 

“Are you ready, beautiful?” Johnny whispers. _God_ , he thinks. _You really are._

Taeyong looks into Johnny’s eyes and the trust is clear as day. Taeyong’s pupils are blown in the dim light, and he licks his lips before croaking out, “I’ve been ready for years, kitty.” 

Johnny kisses him then as he guides his finger to Taeyong’s entrance, and Taeyong closes his eyes as Johnny presses a lubricated digit into him. It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, but Taeyong breathes through it, and Johnny is careful, so very careful in his movements that Taeyong’s heart explodes in his chest. 

Every fantasy of his pales in comparison to the tension in his legs, the tautness of his abdomen as he tries to accommodate Johnny’s ministrations. 

“Are you okay?” Johnny asks, his lower lip caught between his teeth. Taeyong’s face doesn’t exactly look happy, and he’s halfway through pulling out when Taeyong grabs him by the wrist, keeping his hand in place. 

“It’s good, it’s good,” Taeyong pants. “Another, please.” 

Johnny takes his time because this is Taeyong, his gorgeous, wonderful Taeyong, the first true love of his life, and when he’s three fingers in, Taeyong is already thrusting up against him, impatient, demanding. 

Johnny is much more skeptical. 

“Uh, I think we should stretch you out more,” Johnny says, frowning, trying to catch his breath. Taeyong is impossibly tight around his fingers. He’s worried that—

“I know you have a monster cock, Johnny,” Taeyong says through gritted teeth. “I want it in me now,” Taeyong’s starting to get desperate, rutting up against Johnny and smearing precum all over Johnny’s briefs. 

Johnny’s heart is racing, racing, head spinning as he moves to pull the last of his clothing off and slide the condom on. They had all agreed that even if they were sleeping exclusively with each other, they weren’t going to take any shortcuts, and Johnny is grateful that despite the fact that he essentially seems to be in a Big Love kind of situation, he and his boyfriends prioritise safety above everything else. 

Taeyong watches as Johnny lines himself up, and when he feels the head rub against his entrance, the intoxicating feeling grows. Johnny starts to push in so slowly it’s almost agonising, and the pink-haired dancer doesn’t miss the tenderness with which he moves, fingers stroking over the skin on Taeyong’s waist, his hips, his thighs. 

There are some tears that dot Taeyong’s lashes from the pain of it. Johnny’s girth is really something to reckon with, and it makes him salivate, knowing that this man is his, that he gets to ride this gorgeous cock whenever he wants now. Size queen doesn’t even begin to describe how he feels about Johnny’s dick, and he knows that after tonight, every other man will pale in comparison to Johnny-- but Taeyong doesn’t mind.

Johnny bottoms out, hips against Taeyong’s, and he’s using every ounce of control in his body to prevent himself from either rutting against his boyfriend like a rabbit or coming right then and there, because Taeyong is a vise-grip around him, and Johnny can’t recall ever feeling this good. It’s hot, it’s so, so hot, all around him, the breath that passes between them, the hands Johnny has on Taeyong’s hips.

Johnny is waiting, shaking from the effort of keeping his restraint.

Taeyong takes a deep breath, and whispers, “Move.”

When Johnny starts to roll his hips, he nearly blacks out from how good it is, how tight, and Taeyong is already so close to the edge that he has to keep a tight grip on himself to keep from coming immediately, but then Johnny starts kissing him deep and slow, like he’s a thing to be devoured, and all Taeyong can think is, “I want you to ruin me.” 

Johnny tries to keep the pace slow, eager to draw this out for as long as they possibly can. 

He takes one of his arms under Taeyong’s knee, hooking it in place to give him better access, and Taeyong pulls him in impossibly closer, hands cupping Johnny’s face, sweat starting to pool over their foreheads. 

“I love you,” Johnny says, pushing in harder, faster. “I love you.”

He’s stroking Taeyong’s cock, hand flying over the soft velvet of it, slick with lubricant and precum, and Taeyong is whining, crying out, with no regard for whoever can hear them. “Johnny,” he moans. “Johnny, I’m coming.”

Taeyong spills all over his own belly, over Johnny’s hand, and clenches around Johnny’s cock so tightly that in the next second, Johnny is coming, chasing his own orgasm, until all that’s left is the two of them panting, Taeyong going slack and Johnny landing in a soft thump on top of him. 

Johnny feels it before he hears it: Taeyong’s chest and shoulders shaking beneath him, until Taeyong’s soft laughter fills the air, and it’s breathless and incredulous, and it’s everything Johnny has ever dreamt of. 

_________

After the first time, it’s like Johnny can’t get enough of it.

He’s constantly thinking about it, trying his hardest to keep himself from popping a boner onstage every time he watches Doyoung lie on the ground for his line in Wake Up, or whenever Jaehyun walks around the practice room without a shirt on. 

At one point during a break in their rehearsal for Day 1 of their Singapore leg, he watches Taeyong do a body roll and nearly comes in his joggers, and has to rush off stage to the bathroom to get a grip— but only in the figurative sense. 

That is, until he hears a knock on the door, and Taeil is standing there, leaning against the door frame, looking up at him with a raised eyebrow, before stepping into Johnny’s space and Johnny has no choice but to lean in and kiss him. He’s got Taeil trapped against the door, his hardness pressing into the stiff plane of Taeil’s abdomen, and Johnny is overheating, head spinning from the rush. 

Taeil kisses like he’s starving, barely leaving room for an inhale before he’s chasing Johnny for the next slide of lips on lips. Johnny is trying, trying, with everything in his power, to keep from lifting Taeil’s shirt and pulling his shorts down, but it’s proving to be a monumental task, especially since Taeil’s got his left leg hooked over Johnny’s hip, and Johnny’s holding it in place, relishing in the fact that this gives him better access to cause friction, to cause Taeil to groan into his ear before Taeil bites down into his neck. 

They’re going at it like teenagers, and it’s been like this the entire month, all five of them sneaking off to get time alone together. 

[It’s been shameless, the way the relationship has changed them. Easier than breathing. Like swimming through a pool. Mark, Jungwoo, Donghyuck and Yuta take it in stride, all of them aware of the tension that had been building up between their members, and cautiously making sure that their managers don’t somehow pick up on their business.]

“I’m— I’m gonna come,” Taeil says, grasping for purchase on Johnny’s shirt, eyes no longer leaving his as he continues to grind against the older male, who is slack-jawed, barefaced, and beautiful. There’s a buzzing in Johnny’s head, like all of his blood has rushed south and all he can do is move. The door is rattling on its hinges, and Taeil’s nails are digging into his bicep, and then Johnny’s vision is black, grey, starry. The buzzing in his head gets louder and louder, until it’s silent save for Taeil’s drawn out “fuuuuck”, his hips jack-knifing until he’s still and breathless. 

Johnny lowers Taeil’s leg slowly, making sure to set him down carefully, especially since Taeil looks blissed out and barely able to remain standing. They sneak off to the dressing room after washing up to change clothing, and they ignore Yuta’s wolf-whistle when they walk back onstage. If the managers and stage-hands notice, they give no indication. 

For the nth time in the last four weeks, Johnny is floored that he gets to have this: the equilibrium of soft cuddling in Jaehyun’s bed; a night spent in a foreign hotel room with Taeyong’s back pressed against his chest while he plays Overwatch on his laptop; and the hardness of thrusting into Taeil as Doyoung pulls Johnny by the hair, his cock slipping between the taller man’s lips. 

It’s reckless. It’s exhilarating. 

It’s the best damn thing that has ever happened to him, bar none. 

 

__________

There isn’t much that changes about their dynamic as a whole group, but things are easier, more fluid, no trace of embarrassment when they’re behind closed doors. In the dorms, in their hotel rooms, they’re safe. They’ll lay across each other and pile on top of one another like they’re puppies, and the dam that broke makes skinship between all of them much more frequent. 

Once in a while, Johnny will make a cameo in what used to be the secret group chat, posing for a selca with whoever is lounging in his arms for the day. Earlier, after waking up to a sore ass and an even more painful lower back, Doyoung had snapped a photo of the two of them shirtless and sent it to the group. Ten had responded with a 3 second video of himself flipping Doyoung off before laughing. 

It’s not always about sex with them, though. There are nights when conversations will revolve around stories they’ve never told each other, and one night when they’re back in their hotel after their Manila performance, while Yuta lounges on the loveseat with Sicheng on FaceTime, and Mark and Donghyuck share a room next to the room the rest of the hyung line are in, that’s exactly what happens. 

“Who was your first kiss?” Jaehyun asks, while Johnny has his head in his lap, the two of them settling for the carpeted floor next to the window. 

Doyoung and Taeil are lying belly-down on the bed, their chins resting in their hands, interests piqued. Taeyong steps outside of the bathroom with a sheet mask on to listen for the answer. 

Johnny can feel all eyes on him, even Yuta’s, who has paused his conversation with his boyfriend, waiting for Johnny’s response with bated breath. 

Johnny doesn’t like thinking about it, because he was young and seventeen and desperate, but these are the men he’s giving his entire heart to. He might as well.

“It was Sehun,” he says, to the rest of the group scoffing and groaning. “I know, I know, predictable.” 

Leaning against the wall with his hip, Taeyong crosses his arms and tries to not feel the squeeze of jealousy, tells himself that if he can stand watching Johnny kissing Doyoung and stroking Taeil’s cock, there’s absolutely no reason why he should be jealous of his boyfriend’s first kiss having been with one of the best-looking men in EXO. 

“Spill the details, Johnny,” Doyoung says from the bed, fingers flying over the keyboard on his phone, no doubt filling Ten and Kun in on the topic at hand. 

Thing is, Johnny barely remembers the details— doesn’t remember what he wore or how Sehun smelled or anything, but he remembers how he felt after it. He and Sehun had been so skinny back then, and Sehun was the only one who knew about Johnny’s bisexuality, having been the one to help him through it with the simplest exchange in a stuffy practice room. 

Their dorms had been much smaller then, and under a fluorescent light, Johnny had asked, heart in his throat, if Sehun would kiss him. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get a chance with anyone else,” Johnny had said, trying to keep it casual, as if he hadn’t been carrying a torch for Sehun going on two years, as if asking his best friend for a kiss was a normal favour to ask. 

Sehun had looked taken aback, until he had knelt in front of Johnny, laid his hands on both Johnny’s knees, and leaned in for a kiss. It was small, the barest brush, the kind that school kids trying to play at being adults share under bleachers and in fire escapes. It was chaste, and Sehun didn’t taste like anything in particular. Johnny had leaned in for one more, and Sehun had acquiesced, until Johnny had felt a hand on his jaw, a gentle warning, and Sehun had pulled away. 

They never talked about it after that. Sehun had debuted a month later, and Johnny had had no choice but to get over him, among the other bitter pills he had had to swallow that year.

Jaehyun is carding his fingers through Johnny’s hair as he tells his story, imagining these two scrawny boys who looked like they hadn’t outgrown their emo phase making out. 

“Were you in love with him?” Taeil asks, and Doyoung’s all ears, perking up. 

“I thought I was, you know, I was young and all,” Johnny replies, sitting up, blood rushing from his head to his limbs and getting woozy. “That was until I met Taeyong though.” 

The others are whooping and howling, and Taeyong can’t help the massive smile that appears on his face, displacing his sheet mask. 

“He’s blushing, oh Yongie, you’re so cute,” Johnny calls out from his spot on the floor. 

“So how does this work anyway?” Yuta asks, setting his phone down after saying goodnight to Sicheng. “Are you each other’s boyfriends?” 

The other five look around before Doyoung says, “Pretty much?” and Jaehyun laughs, recognising how ridiculous their set up actually is when viewed from the outside. 

“At first I hinged all my feelings on Johnny,” Taeil says, “But now I realise I’m attracted to the rest, too.” His ears are tipped with red, and Doyoung slings his arm over Taeil’s waist, pressing his lips to Taeil’s temple. 

“We‘re all physical with each other and it’s really fun,” Taeyong says, settling on the ground next to Johnny and slipping his fingers between the spaces on Johnny’s hand. “But if you ask me about you know, a wedding and the works, it’s only this guy right here.” 

It’s fair and it’s honest, and it’s something that’s gone unspoken until just now. No one holds it against Taeyong, but it does kick Johnny in the gut to hear it, the guilt of not having been able to make a choice once again taking over. Taeyong feels him tense, and beats him to the punch. 

“Don’t be like that, don’t be scared, kitty,” Taeyong says, reaching up to kiss Johnny’s lips softly. “It’s okay. I like this setup. I like what we all have, I like all of us being together. I’m just being honest here. I wouldn’t change this.”

This is how it works: they don’t lie to each other. There are days when Johnny will do something like swoop in and try to kiss Jaehyun awake, and Jaehyun will shove him off and say, “I’m not in the mood right now, babe,” and turn over and sleep some more. Sometimes, Taeil will ask Johnny out on a date, just the two of them, and the others will nod and opt to spend the day out of the dorms instead. Once, when Johnny was balls-deep in Taeyong, the pink-haired beauty had asked mid-thrust if they could call Doyoung in because he wanted to suck him dry while Johnny fucked him. 

It works because they don’t hold anything back. They don’t sugarcoat. In the spaces between practice and performances and playing nice on camera, this is who they are: at ease with each other, giving into glances and grazed knuckles that had for years gone unfulfilled. 

Does it make Johnny feel a little bit like a slut? Yes, daily. But he’s also come to recognise that that’s part of who he is-- that he likes sharing himself with them, likes being physical with them, likes being able to whisper “I love you” into warm skin and mean it every time, no matter who is in his arms for the time being. He likes being able to bicker with Doyoung, who calls him ‘idiot’ in the fondest voice imaginable. He likes being able to pick Taeil up bridal style while he’s standing in the kitchen and he likes watching Jaehyun wrap his legs around their eldest on the couch. It’s a little messed up, but it works for them. 

______________

Loving Ten and Kun feels simultaneously like walking a tightrope, and dancing on even ground. 

Daily, Johnny will steal time away to talk to the pair, who have announced that they’re also a couple, to which Johnny had responded with, “Obviously, like, how did you not see that coming?” 

“But Johnny, we still want you with us, okay? We want it to be the three of us,” Ten says, much more seriously than Johnny is used to. 

Kun explains it like this: in the time since August, there’s been a palpable attraction between Kun and Ten, and they talked it over recently, realizing that they want this with each other. 

Johnny wonders where he fits into the equation then, his longing for the both of them not having diminished in the slightest despite the miles and hours between the three of them. 

“You’re our rock, Johnny,” Ten says to Johnny one afternoon during one of their video calls, Kun jogging well past ahead of him. Ten is strolling more than anything, squinting in the sunlight, button nose wrinkling from the movement, the diamond earrings Johnny had sent him glinting. Johnny has never thought him more attractive than in that moment. 

“I miss you all the time, Tennie,” Johnny responds, sighing. “You and Kun. I just feel like we never even got a chance at a start because of--- well, all of this. The stupid WayV-NCT restrictions and shit.”

Johnny wishes that he had had a chance to get to know Kun more the way he is now, because he has completely bloomed into something else from who he was when they were still rookies. He’s confident, he stands tall, he’s a fantastic leader, and fuck if that doesn’t get Johnny going. 

“We’ve got our start now, baby,” Ten replies, voice gone soft. “It’s you and me and him, okay? And it works out. This works out.”

The pet name makes Johnny blush, given that only three of his boyfriends (he has boyfriends, plural, how even is this his life?) call him that, Kun and Jaehyun being the other two. Johnny learns to trust the feeling in his gut when traversing his relationship with both Ten and Kun. With all six of them, really.

Sometimes, when Ten and Kun get explosive, Kun will call him, eyes red-rimmed and tired. 

“I wish you were here, baby,” Kun will say into the camera. “I know you’d have found a way around this if you were. Maybe I’m not good for him.”

“Don’t say that, you’re good for each other, and I’m right here,” Johnny will respond, wishing more than anything that they were more than just pixels on a screen. “I’m right here with you both.”

And he’ll talk to Ten, who will be sulking and pouting and adorable, and Johnny will call him a brat, and Ten will say, “You sound just like Kun,” and Johnny will blow a kiss his way, and say, “We don’t take your shit and you know that’s why you love us.”

 

So it works, just like Ten had said it would. 

There was one memorable night when Taeyong and Jaehyun had gone out shopping, and Ten had FaceTimed Johnny with the most mischievous glint in his eye. 

“What are you planning, Chittaphon?” Johnny had laughed, getting comfortable in bed. 

That had been cut short, because Kun had stepped in frame to stand behind Ten, who had set his laptop on the dresser in what Johnny now recognised as Kun’s room. 

Kun and Ten were both facing the camera, and Kun’s hands were slowly making their way up Ten’s lithe torso, showing skin under the thin white blouse he had on. His hands worked Ten’s trousers until he was pulling them down, and Johnny had had to suppress a moan with his fist because Ten was hard and straining beneath the silky pink panties he had on. 

“We’re going to put on a show for you, baby,” Kun had said, and suddenly there Johnny was, aching between his legs, incredibly turned on, legs spread on his bed, palming himself through his pants. 

He watched as Kun bit down on Ten’s neck, eliciting a groan from the beautiful Thai man. It was mesmerising to watch them together, their movements practiced, a rhythm established from the moment Kun had laid his hands on him. 

When Kun divested himself of his clothing, Johnny wanted nothing more than to taste his skin, and he said as much, which made Kun smirk into the camera. 

Johnny thought he was going to lose his mind when shortly thereafter, Kun had Ten on all fours, the both of them moaning “Johnny” and “fuck” in tandem, because how the fuck is anyone supposed to keep it together when not just one but two of the hottest people you’ve ever met are groaning your name like that? Johnny’s hand was moving quickly over his own hardness, thoughts swirling between wanting to chase his own climax, and wishing he had booked a ticket to fucking _China_ somehow, unbelievably pissed off that he couldn’t be there to experience being sandwiched between them for real. 

He had been close to the edge when Taeyong and Jaehyun had opened the door, and after registering that it was neither of their maknaes, Johnny kept at it, eyes fixed to his phone, watching Ten arch his back and Kun pounding into him, the sound of skin slapping skin reverberating through the room. 

Taeyong had set his bags down on the floor next to the bed and kissed Johnny’s cheek, resting his head on the pillow next to him to watch the display, and Jaehyun, mouth watering, had settled between Johnny’s legs, gently pulling Johnny’s hand away to slide his lips over the crown of Johnny’s cock, and Johnny had nearly blacked out from the sensation of it. 

“Fuck, fuck, Kun, ugh, Tennie,” Johnny had moaned, fingers pulling on Jaehyun’s hair. “Fuck, Jae you feel so good.” 

Ten was nearly in tears on camera, repeating “Johnny, Johnny,” like it was a prayer. Johnny watched as Kun threw his head back and came, hips unrelenting, fucking Ten through his own orgasm. Another tug to Jaehyun’s scalp was the only warning Johnny was able to give before Jaehyun was swallowing him, hot spurts of come on Jaehyun’s tongue, down his throat.

Taeyong had left to get a wet washcloth, and cleaned Johnny up with smooth strokes while kissing him, Jaehyun lying down next to him, brushing his sweaty hair away from his face. Ten and Kun were spent on the ground, before Ten’s head had popped back on screen, the brightest smile back in place, his eyes half-lidded like he was love-drunk. 

“Did you like that, baby?” Ten had said, and Johnny, exhausted and blissed-out had nothing coherent to say besides, “So fucking much.” 

“I liked it too, Tennie,” Taeyong had said, grinning at the screen. Kun had said “shut up, Taeyong,” in the background, not unkindly. 

It works out.

__________

NCT 2019 is announced to the group in early February. It’s the tightest-kept secret they’ve had in a while, and their stylists go full force on their new haircuts and hair colours a few days before their departure date. When Taeyong steps out of the room, any trace of pink gone, replaced with the ebony and dark blue, Johnny knows that the fans are gonna go apeshit.

When March rolls around and their 21-strong group is herded into the airport, it’s carnage, chaos of the best kind. 

The fans are losing their shit online and in person, seeing WayV and the rest of NCT together in public for the first time ever, and the swarm that greets them when they arrive for departure is maddening. Johnny has his AirPods firmly in place, and it’s the unspoken rule that he, Taeyong, Doyoung, and Kun are the assigned fathers of the logistical nightmare that is this trip to Europe. 

The crowd presses in much closer than they normally would, which is jarring, especially when someone manages to break through the barrier again and shove a phone in Taeyong’s face, causing the younger man to step back and ram straight into Johnny’s chest, causing Johnny’s arms to come up around his boyfriend momentarily to help keep him upright. 

Johnny is angry. 

He’s always angry when this shit happens, and even if a part of him is grateful that this only means NCT as a whole is gaining popularity, it doesn’t do much to quell just how fucking pissed off he is that they can never seem to get any peace anymore. 

He places himself at the front of the line, expression firm, careful to make sure that no one can get to any of his other members. He strides forward, and he knows that he looks menacing, and that it isn’t a good look on him, but he’s had to hold Taeyong enough times at night, telling him to follow his breathing, to know that that this isn’t anything he’s willing to put up with anymore. 

Their managers help part the seas, and it’s only when they’ve boarded and are strapped into their seats that Johnny starts to calm down. 

Kun is his seatmate for the next 13 hours, and when Kun discreetly brushes his hand against Johnny’s as everyone else gets comfortable in their cabin, the fight rushes out of Johnny in one fell swoop. He’s okay now.

They talk for most of the flight, and Kun’s eyes are illuminated in the dim cabin light overhead. Johnny decides that the moment he can, he’s going to take Kun and Ten and kiss them senseless. They’ve been at this for months, and he finally, finally gets to be with the two missing pieces to his every day. 

Kun is commiserating Yangyang’s antics, saying that once Yangyang gets one of the others going, everyone joins in, Ten included. Johnny sneaks a peak around them to see if their managers are awake (they aren’t), and if there are any cabin crew walking around (there aren’t, either) before he takes Kun’s hand in his, tugging it closer to him, careful not to knock the orange juice sat between them. “You got training though-- you got the Dreamies first,” Johnny chuckles. 

“Yeah, and what do we have now? The rest of my kids with the rest of yours!” 

“I would love to father all of them with you, baby, you know I would,” Johnny says in his smoothest voice, and it’s such a ridiculous statement, but Kun finds himself smiling like an idiot still, mainly because it’s the first time he gets to hear Johnny call him that without needing an internet connection to bridge their gap. “But for now, we’ve got an entire ‘Yours, Mine and Ours’ situation here.”

“I don’t understand that reference, Chicago boy,” Kun deadpans, and Johnny sighs. 

“This is why I keep Jaehyun around,” Johnny says, still holding Kun’s hand, leaning back into his seat.

“Come on, he doesn’t get most of your American references either, he just laughs along cos he thinks you’re cute” Kun responds, and ends up having to spend the rest of the flight trying to get Johnny to hold his hand again, since Johnny had pulled it away to sulk.

They land in Fiumicino-Leonardo Da Vinci International Airport and they’re whisked away to a small hotel that sits in the heart of the city. Johnny has his camera out, unwilling to miss a second of this trip now that he has his entire 21-member group here, complete and together. 

He has the camera trailed on Jaehyun as he walks out of the hotel, and Jaehyun’s trying to hide his face, his dimple peeking out despite his best efforts. 

“Babe, show your face,” Johnny says, uncaring about the camera catching his voice. Some of these videos are for him and him alone this time. He wants to capture everything he can now that they’re all together. All of the men he loves? In one place? The last time this had happened was when Doyoung and Taeyong had gone all Masterchef on him, and that was ages and ages ago, it seems.

“Johnny,” Jaehyun says, shooing Johnny’s camera away with the shyest smile. “I swear to god, get that thing out of my sight.”

They’re set to film for the NCT 2019 Portfolio the next day on several locations, and it’s mild weather for their entire stay. It’s by the far the most expensive shoot they’ve done, and it’s also the most classically beautiful one conceptually, in Johnny’s opinion. 

Tonight though, they get to walk around the city, and when Ten loops his arm through Johnny’s and looks up at him like he hung the moon, Johnny can’t help the way his insides twist. 

“Did you ever think that we’d be walking around Rome arm in arm like this?” Ten asks, the street lights reflecting in his eyes like they carry galaxies. 

“With you as my boyfriend? No,” Johnny says, pressing his forehead to Ten’s for a second before they enter the restaurant. “All of this feels like a dream, baby.”

“As one of your boyfriends,” Ten corrects, leering and wagging his eyebrows. 

Johnny chuckles, getting more and more comfortable with this fact. 

He sits between Ten and Doyoung for dinner, Sicheng and Yuta right across them. He wonders if he looks as smitten with all of his partners as Yuta obviously is right now, and he figures he could maybe ask someone, before he feels a kick under the table, and then hears Doyoung hissing “Stop staring, idiot.” 

“I’m _your_ idiot, though,” Johnny replies sheepishly, as he does every single time Dons calls him that. 

It’s Sicheng who catches Doyoung’s attention halfway through their caccio e pepe. 

“I knew I could count on you to get this whole ball rolling, Doie,” Sicheng says, like he’s talking about the weather. 

“You didn’t even know about my feelings for him!” Doyoung responds, outraged. 

“Yeah, but I knew about Taeil, who then told me about the emergency meeting you called, so I knew that you’d somehow make this happen for you guys, and I’m actually really impressed that it’s working out so smoothly,” Sicheng says brightly, arm slung around his boyfriend in a rare public display of affection. 

Johnny perks up at this. 

“What emergency meeting?” Johnny asks, genuinely curious. 

“Have you guys not told him how the group chat was even formed?” Yuta asks, completely baffled.

“How do you know about the group chat?” Johnny interjects. 

“Bro,” Yuta says in English, before switching back to Korean. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t know about it.” 

Johnny looks to his left, then his right, then to Kun who has paused his conversation with Taeil, 4 of the 6 of his boyfriends all looking sheepishly at each other and then at him. 

“I wanna know!” Johnny says, voice slipping into his most obnoxious aegyo. “Tennie, Doyoungie, come on.” 

Ten is trying and failing to suppress his giddy laughter at the prospect of revisiting the evening that ultimately changed the trajectory of their lives, while Doyoung is trying to think of a way to get around the parrot impression bit being slipped in there somehow. 

Johnny manages to coax them to walk him through the entire story, and all the pieces finally slot together and make sense. 

(Taeyong tells the parrot story anyway, since he’s seated too far away for Doyoung to kick him.)

_________

It goes without saying that their room mate arrangement for this trip has been predetermined to favour Johnny finally getting a chance to spend time with Ten and Kun. Ten refers to Jaehyun, Taeyong, Taeil and Doyoung collectively as the 127 Boyfriends, a term that Johnny had heard only after they had explained the number assignments in the group chat (“Wait-- but why does Taeyong get to be Boyfriend Number 1?” “We went in order of who fell first, pretty much.”)

He’s standing in front of the mirror in their bathroom, brushing his teeth, listening as Ten and Kun work to shove their two queen beds together. He’s nervous and giddy with anticipation because it’s his first night with them, and it’s an excitement that buzzes in his blood that’s made more acute by the fact that he’s essentially been edged for weeks at this point. 

Kun comes into the bathroom to stand behind Johnny, placing his hands on Johnny’s waist, kissing the taller man’s back, right in between his shoulder blades. 

“We’re waiting, baby,” Kun says in a voice so low, it makes Johnny shiver. It makes Johnny want to kneel. If Kun told him to jump, he’d ask “Off of what?”

Kun takes him by the hand and guides him to the bed where Ten is waiting, sprawled out over the covers, legs covered in black lace, held in place with a suspender belt.

Johnny wants to weep, it’s so hot. 

Ten is wearing his diamonds which catch the light as he kneels up on the bed, barely reaching Johnny’s chin. 

It’s maddening to think that for years and years and years of adoring the Thai man, of telling himself to look away from his lips, to keep his hands to himself, Johnny now gets to lean in and finally taste Ten for the first time. 

For every first kiss, Johnny has seen a colour. When he kissed Doyoung, it was the blue that comes off of a neon sign, like electricity, the kind of kiss that made you feel invincible, like you were the only two people in the city. Kissing Taeil had been gold: vibrant, warm, the sweetest honey kiss. 

Kissing Ten is the colour silver, like liquid mercury, and it’s this colour that he sees as he catches Ten’s bottom lip between his teeth. His hand lands on the arch of Ten’s lower back before making its way to the swell of Ten’s silk-clad ass, and he pulls his boyfriend in closer, flush against his own body. 

It doesn’t take very long for the three men to get comfortable in bed, and even less time for Johnny to realize that there’s something a little different he wants. He’s on his back with his arms slung lazily around Ten and Kun, watching Kun kiss Ten, strong hands gripping the base of Ten’s skull-- commanding, possessive, when the thought strikes him.

“Kun,” he says. “Kun, I want to ride you.”

Kun and Ten pull away from each other to look at Johnny, and it’s almost like something takes hold of Kun, his eyes clouding over with lust that Johnny’s sure is reflected in his own. 

Everyone knows Johnny is a top, and up until this moment, it’s all Johnny’s known about himself, too scared, too shy to ask. 

Kun leans over Johnny, reaching his hand out to stroke Johnny’s jaw. 

“Baby, are you sure you want to? Think clearly for a second,” Kun says gently. “I would love to fuck you, but only if you’re sure it’s what you want, too.”

Ten stretches out next to Johnny, the softest smile in place. “He feels really, really good though,” Ten whispers, glancing over at his other boyfriend. 

“Tennie, I just said I wanted him to think clearly, stop acting like the devil on his shoulder,” Kun admonishes. 

“I want this,” Johnny replies. “Please, baby, I want you to fuck me.”

Kun’s mouth goes dry. 

“Okay, but the moment you want out, you tell us, okay? If it hurts, you tell us. If you want to stop, you tell us-- even if I’m already inside you, just use your words, okay?” 

Ten smiles to himself, listening to Kun go through the motions, having been on the receiving end of the same set of guidelines, especially when they had moved on to choking and spanking. They’re toying with the idea of trying to find someone to guide them through BDSM and kinbaku instead of trying to teach themselves through shitty porn videos, and it means so much that Kun is the type to insist on these things-- on being safe, on being taught the right way-- because it leaves no doubt whatsoever that Kun does, in fact, love them both very dearly. 

“I trust you,” Johnny says. “I trust you both.” 

A little whine leaves Ten’s mouth before he’s pouncing on Johnny again, all lips and teeth and tongue. The bed shifts momentarily, Kun leaving to get the condoms in his size, and Ten takes that as an opportunity to pull Johnny’s hand to the hardness between his legs, his erection having gone neglected up until this point.

“I don’t know when you started wearing panties, or when I started getting turned on by them, but Tennie, baby, you look so fucking hot in this, I can’t believe it,” Johnny says, palming Ten, whose stiff cock is causing the black silk to strain.

“I’m glad you like it,” Ten says shyly, just as Kun rejoins them.

“I told him the same thing the first time he put them on for me,” Kun says, and Ten preens under his touch.

“Your jaw dropped to the floor, _baobei_ ,” Ten teases. “It was so satisfying to watch.”

“ _You_ were so satisfying to watch,” Kun throws back, and Johnny laughs, itching to pull another tantrum and beg Ten to dance for him, but then Kun is settling between his spread legs, and his breath catches in his throat.

“Safe word, baby?”

“Pineapple,” Johnny replies in Mandarin, the word foreign in his mouth for more reasons than just language. No one has used it on him yet, which he is grateful for daily, but he’s also never had to consider even using it himself until just now.

“Do you wanna prepare him, my love?” Kun asks Ten, whose face lights up before melting into the dirtiest little smirk imaginable.

They maneuver Johnny to lie on his side, sandwiched between Kun, whose kisses are colored in burgundy, like the autumn afternoons he remembers from back home, and Ten, whose nimble fingers work him slowly for what feels like eternity until he’s nearly in tears from how good it feels. He remembers when Taeyong had whined for him to hurry up, empathizing with him completely.

“Kun, I’m ready, please,” is all Johnny has to say before Kun is lying on his back and rolling a condom onto his aching cock, and Johnny is straddling him, sinking down onto it.

Euphoric doesn’t even begin to describe how Johnny feels when Kun bottoms out.

“Baby— _fuck_ , you’re so tight—baby, use your words,” Kun says through gritted teeth, his nails digging into Johnny’s thighs, trying to stop himself from bucking up into Johnny’s heat.

“Oh my god why have I never done this before,” Johnny says, gasping, electricity running up his spine as the smallest roll of his hips makes Kun stroke up against his prostate. Ten’s laughter sounds like raindrops, looking just absolutely edible where he’s laying next to Kun, propped up on his elbow, enjoying the show.

It starts to get frenetic from there, Johnny using his thighs to rise up just until the tip before slamming back down and feeling his adrenaline and his lust spike with every movement. He braces himself with his hand on Kun’s chest, absolutely losing himself in the sensation of it, unable to comprehend anything that isn’t this: skin on skin and heat and sweat.

Seeing Johnny’s cock bobbing up and down makes Kun salivate, and when Johnny moans, “Yes, baby,” after Kun tells Johnny not to come yet, it proves to be Kun’s undoing, having Johnny completely compliant to him.

Ten later pulls Johnny’s legs to the edge of the bed, kneeling between his splayed thighs, swallowing Johnny’s cock like his gag reflex doesn’t exist. Johnny’s got his back pressed against Kun’s chest, being cradled as Ten drags his tongue over the slit, swirling around the crown, moaning around Johnny’s dick, savouring his taste. Ten’s pushed his panties to the side, fisting his own swollen member while he struggles not to choke on Johnny’s.

Johnny’s entire body is overheating, his vision starting to dim, his thighs taut from being edged so much, for so long.

“I want you to come on his pretty face,” Kun says, and Johnny nods furiously, eyes locked with Ten’s, unable to form words anymore, his jaw going slack, his hands pulling on Ten’s hair as a warning.

Ten pulls off, and Kun’s hand replaces his mouth, and then Johnny is coming, his come painting white stripes all over Ten’s swollen lips, his chest, his abdomen.

Johnny falls back into Kun’s chest, drained of energy, completely boneless in Kun’s arms.

______

Kun is the first to wake up, arm cramped and asleep from where it had cradled Johnny’s head all night.

The wake-up call blares about a minute later, and then both his boyfriends begin to stir to consciousness, eyes blinking sleep away like they’re kittens who had dozed off. It makes Kun’s chest fill up with emotion.

“Hi,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to Johnny’s temple. “We gotta get up.”

“Oh, but I am up,” Ten says, gesturing to the tenting blanket, as he stretches out.

“Oh my god, get a grip,” Kun laughs, getting out of bed and throwing a pillow at him.

“What, I have _two_ hot boyfriends, can you blame me?” Ten responds, his voice carrying into the bathroom that Kun has disappeared into.

______

The first leg of filming takes place in several locations spread out over Rome. By some miracle, the production team has managed to close off Capitoline Hill for a few hours during the day, granting them the opportunity to have a full photo shoot done along the steps without needing to digitally remove tourists walking along, which would have been fine, really, honestly, on any other day, but--

“Why are you limping, Johnny-hyung?” Jungwoo asks, looping Johnny’s arm over his shoulder to help prop him up. Johnny doesn’t exactly feel like explaining to the blonde that his asshole is on fire from anal sex, but then he’s saved from having to, because Yuta, who had heard Jungwoo’s question, is looking at Johnny’s beet-red face, and piecing two and two together, nearly busting a lung from his laughter before thankfully sidling up to shove himself under Johnny’s other arm.

They find a footbridge near the Colosseum that appears to have locks attached to the railings, and Taeil and Jaehyun decide to pop into a convenience store close to it, finding a bronze lock with the intention of adding to the small collection. 

Taeyong worries that they’ll get in trouble (“Can you guys not? This isn’t N Seoul Tower!”), and Kun is inclined to agree, but then Doyoung pulls out a permanent marker from his belt bag and scrawls “J + L” on it, and hands it back to them.

“J plus L?” Johnny asks, arm hanging off his boyfriend’s shoulders lazily as they wait for the others to finish posing at the vantage point where the Coliseum can be seen. 

“Johnny plus Lovers,” Doyoung says, matter-of-factly. “I can’t put all our initials there, it wouldn’t fit. JLGC for Johnny-loving group chat is too long, as well. So. This.”

Johnny resists the urge to kiss Doyoung’s ear, but he throws caution to the wind somewhat to whisper very, very close, “I love you, you know that?”

It’s always worth it to see the smile bloom on Doyoung’s face.  
______

There’s an afternoon off where the maknaes of WayV, 127 and Dream are whisked off to do a magazine shoot for Vogue Italia, which both Ten and Yuta had been sulky about not being invited to, but then Johnny sees the opportunity for another JCC, and once the idea takes hold, he refuses, absolutely refuses to take no for an answer from any of the six of them. 

“Please, please, please, please let’s go to a coffee shop,” Johnny whines, pulling the comforter off of Jaehyun. “Babe, babe, babe, I want all my boyfriends to go with me please, please, please.”

“We’ve been awake since six fucking A-M, Johnny,” Jaehyun groans, refusing to open his eyes. “Let me nap.”

“Jae,” Doyoung says softly, pressing his lips to Jaehyun’s forehead, shaking his shoulder gently. “You’re the only one we’re waiting for.”

It takes about 20 minutes more of groaning before Jaehyun is showered and dressed, and then they’re heading to Caffe Greco, Johnny leading the way, giving a historical lesson about the cafe as if he hadn’t just searched for it three hours ago. 

“You know you’re just showing off your boyfriends at this point, right?” Taeil says from Johnny’s shoulder, not loud enough for the camera to pick up. It makes Johnny smile really widely, before he turns and says, “Yeah, and what about it?” 

Taeil giggles and Johnny has to hand the camera over to Ten for a second so he can wrap his arms around Taeil and mess his hair up. 

They choose tables outside the cafe itself, most of them ordering actual Italian coffee while Taeyong sips from his fruit juice and Ten opts for a chamomile tea, and they spend the rest of the time rambling, both on and off camera.

Kun quietly passes Johnny a box wrapped in brown paper and a single blue ribbon around it when they’ve finished filming for his next episode, and the taller man eyes it curiously, carefully watching Kun’s expression which looks hopeful and shy in equal measure. 

“I know it’s not much, and I know this isn’t the first time you’ve received one, but I know your old one has been broken for a while, and I saw this when Tennie and I were shopping last month.”

There’s a Leica M6 sitting in the middle of shredded paper, with a couple of boxes of film tucked into the corners, and Johnny nearly starts weeping then and there. 

“It’s not much? Are you kidding me?” Johnny says, incredulous. “Kun-- this is-- this--”

“I guess that means you like it?” Kun asks, letting out the breath he had been holding. 

“I love it,” Johnny replies, voice clear as day. “I love you,” he says in Chinese. 

“You know I love you,” Kun responds, this time in English. _Ah, there it is_ , he thinks. _I’d do anything to keep this man smiling at me like this_. 

________ 

They fly to Paris two days later, the remainder of the shoot taking place at the Colonnes de Buren and in Tuileries Garden, as well as inside one of the studios their Paris unit had set up for them. 

Johnny uses up all the rolls of film Kun has given him, and he ends up purchasing ten more just for good measure. At the end of the entire trip, Taeyong helps Johnny keep the rolls safe in their little canisters, tucking them into the new, bigger camera bag that he had bought for the sole reason of making sure than Kun’s present stayed safe and on his person the entire trip home. 

_______

The morning before they’re set to fly back to Korea, and WayV leaves for Hong Kong, Taeyong stirs awake to the sound of cars passing through the street of their hotel. The windows are thrown open, and there’s a breeze that’s making the thin white curtains billow about, flanking Johnny’s silhouette. 

“Darling,” Taeyong calls out, voice absolutely wrecked from the previous night’s activities. Good thing they don’t have any recordings or shows set for the next couple of weeks. “Come back to bed.”

Johnny smiles to himself, taking one last glance at the people milling about below their balcony and stepping back into the room. 

Ten’s still fast asleep on Taeyong’s belly, head rising and falling to the rhythm of Taeyong’s breathing. Johnny snaps a photo. _Just for me_ , he thinks.

He slides back into bed, onto his side, reaching his hand out to stroke Ten’s eyebrow. 

His sigh makes Taeyong worry.

“What’s on your mind, kitty?” Taeyong asks, looking blearily at his boyfriend. 

“Just… scared,” Johnny confesses. “This all feels too good to be true sometimes. Once in a while, it’s like waiting for the other shoe to drop.” 

Ten opens his eyes at this, turning in bed to get a better look at Johnny. 

“What do you mean, baby?”

“Like, I worry about our managers pulling us aside to talk about how they know about all of us. Or-- or worse, if someone wants out. If one of you want out. Am I supposed to just let it happen? Do I even have a right to ask any of you to stay for me?”

Ten takes Johnny’s open palm, lays it over Taeyong’s belly, and rests his cheek on it. “You’re allowed to say you don’t want us to go, but you can’t stop us either if it’s really what we want.”

“And besides, it doesn’t mean they’ll stop loving you, or you’ll stop loving them,” Taeyong adds. Taeyong chooses his pronouns carefully. He’s in this with Johnny for life, for as long as Johnny will have him, for as long as it’s good for them both. 

“I think that when you fall in love with someone,” Ten says, pressing his lips to Johnny’s palm. “And I mean really, truly, fully fall in love with someone, you never actually stop, it just changes shape. So stop worrying about losing any of us. That’s not gonna happen.”

_______

The US Tour sells out five minutes after tickets go on sale for all their stops, but none sell out faster than the one being held in Johnny’s home city. 

When they land in Chicago, Johnny feels his entire body come alive. Not a lot of people recognise them when they’re there, but a small crowd does form at O’Hare. 

They pile into the vans waiting for them, Donghyuck insisting that he sits next to Johnny to hold his hand, complaining that everyone else gets to and that he misses his dad. Johnny laughs at the nickname, and tightens his grip on the younger as the city whizzes by.

When they drive by McCormick Place, Johnny nearly weeps. Lake Michigan stretches out past them, and he remembers days jogging by the water. He remembers field trips with his stupid, lively friends and all the ridiculous antics they used to get up to. 

This is the first time he’s coming home with all his members, and it’s made much more poignant knowing that he’s here with his boyfriends. They’ll be visiting his home, and while he won’t be introducing them as his lovers, it’s still a big deal for him to introduce them to his family at all. 

“What are you thinking about, Johnny-hyung?” Donghyuck asks, breaking the silence in the van where everyone else is asleep. “I can’t believe we’re here now. You gotta show us your school, and everything.”

“I’ve waited so long for this,” Johnny says, and he has to catch the stray tear that manages to fall. “It’s just unreal. To have you guys with me. It’s all unreal.”

It’s a quiet and gloomy evening, and when they reach the Hyatt, the rain has begun to fall, but Johnny’s mother is waiting for them at the hotel lobby. He runs to greet her, lifts her off the ground and spins her in a circle that makes her cry out, “Johnny, for goodness’ sake, put me down!” 

They perform for one night in Chicago Theatre, where Red Velvet had performed earlier in the year, and Johnny is the star, their Chicagoan Cizennies coming out in droves to come see him and his group. He promises himself that, like the night of their last Enana broadcast, he won’t cry, but then he sees his old classmates and teachers in the front row during his ending ment, and he can’t help it. 

“I’ve spent years dreaming about the day that I could come here and perform in front of all of you,” he says in English, choking up. Taeyong and Doyoung are at his side immediately, and the awww of the crowd is deafening. They both take his hands, and none of them care at this point how suggestive it may seem. It’s public knowledge that the three of them are each other’s pillars. 

“It’s incredibly humbling to have my family and my old friends here, and to be able to show you all the stages we’ve worked so hard for. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.“ 

The tears are spilling over, and Johnny has to break off for a second, to turn away from the crowd, his shoulders shaking from the emotion he’s trying to contain. He pulls his cap off, wipes his face, and turns back to the crowd, to the neon green that lights up the darkness of the theatre. 

“We had no idea we would have a turnout as big as this,” Johnny continues. “Thank you so much.”

 

Taeyong speaks into the microphone in slow, careful English, trying to remember the speech that he and the 127 Boyfriends had worked on the night before. 

“Johnny is so important to us,” he begins, and he waits for the roar of “awwws” to die down again before continuing. “It broke our hearts when we all got to go home for Lunar New Year, and he had to stay alone in the dorm.”

“Johnny-ya, you’re our pillar,” Doyoung says. “You make us smile on days when we did not think it was what we wanted.”

“You give so much of yourself to all of us, to the group, to the Seasonies,” Jaehyun adds, and Johnny has to look around onstage for the source of the voice.

The crowd roars to life, their applause overtaking everything, and Johnny is blinded by the lighting from overhead until he sees Taeil and Jaehyun enter from stage left wheeling in a cake that says in pretty lettering, “FOR OUR CHICAGO PRINCE”. 

“Johnny,” Taeil says, holding the microphone to his lips. “We love you.”

In that moment, Johnny takes it all in, takes stock of every heartbeat that Taeil has counted, every hour he and Kun had spent talking in Osaka when they were roommates, every late night dance practice that he had had to pull Taeyong out of, every car ride that Jaehyun had spent asleep on his shoulder heading home from Enana, every smile that Ten has ever directed at him, every time Doyoung has whispered “I love you, idiot” before kissing him.

Every inch of heartache and every hurt joint and every single time his ego was bruised, every awful time he stumbled upon a hurtful comment about him that had made Taeyong pull his phone away from him, every deficiency in fan cam views, every missed birthday and Christmas and New Year away from home.

He takes stock of all of the moments that have led to him standing on this very stage, and he remembers a beautiful boy standing on top of a rooftop asking him if he kept a tally, a running tab on the cost of things. 

“I love you,” Johnny says, loud and clear. It’s not clear who it’s directed at, but he figures the message comes across nonetheless. “I love you,” he says, to his boyfriends, both present and to the ones halfway across the world; to the entirety of his 21-member team; to the fans in this theatre, to the fans watching the live stream. 

Johnny remembers the deluge, and sees himself break the surface. The entire year-- his entire life-- has seen him refusing to float through, refusing to just keep going with the motions without a fight. Standing on stage in his home city with the people he loves the most, he stiffens his resolve.

 _So this is it_ , he thinks. _This is what the water gave me_.

He swims, furiously, tirelessly, without rest. 

He’ll keep swimming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Klo, the love of my life and the sharpest typo-spotter there is. You're not even in this fandom but you have consistently read over all of my work and listened to me throw ideas around, and I love you. I love you so, so much. So many of the conversations here, the open communication about love and sex, I patterned after our own. Your love has made me a better person, and a better writer, it seems. Thank you.
> 
> For Iz, this fic's second mother and the voice in my head when I was getting too stuck inside of it. You told me that there was still too much distance between me and the words on the page, so I found myself hearing your voice and going, "Are you writing this for yourself or for someone else?" Having you tell me that the distance was gone and that you could feel my words better after you betaed this was really everything I needed to hear. Thank you.
> 
> For Ditto, whose knowledge of cameras, and willingness to respond to my questions quickly really helped me get unstuck from a pesky paragraph. Your writing shapes so much of how I hope to write as well. You've really become one of my biggest inspirations since I got back into writing again. Thank you.
> 
> And for Ali, whose work and whose kindness since I joined NCT ficdom has really helped me grow by leaps and bounds. Your previous notes on my writing really helped shaped the way this last bit turned out, and I started becoming much more careful with word choices, more mindful of rhythm and flow after you responded to my request for concrit. Thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this! 
> 
> I appreciate all comments and constructive criticism. I promise I'll try to make the next chapters lighter and uhhhhh more exciting and less serious. 
> 
> I love these boys and I hope to give each one of them the adoration and attention they deserve, and to Johnny Suh most of all, since this entire fic is my gratuitous attempt at writing him a love letter haha
> 
> Catch me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/johnnyseo_paws/) where I'm on my NCT-loving BS 24/7. 🌞


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